I didn’t lie when I said I was okay—I am okay… just okay. But I don’t think I’ll ever be back to the person I was before all of this. No. There is no going back to the lie that was my life.
I peer out the window and find the first shimmers of morning light are filtering through.
“The sun is just rising,” Enzo says softly, his voice full of sleep. He places a kiss on my shoulder, and I melt back into the mattress. We made love last night, not the kinky kind, not the fuck me against the wall kind, but the slow and sensual kind. The kind that makes you one. The kind that makes two halves into one whole.
“What time is it?” I ask, rolling over from my stomach to face him.
Looking at him makes me realize that I somehow came to terms with what Enzo did to John… to me. But that doesn’t mean it makes my feelings go away. I still harbor all of those, good and bad, which makes me feel like I’m sleeping with the enemy.
“My phone says six-thirty a.m.” He yawns, apparently still very much tired. I roll my eyes, even the king has a weakness—sleep.
Laughing, I push the sheet from my body and pull myself out of his warm embrace.
“What’s going on inside of that head of yours?” He’s been asking that a lot lately as if he thinks I’m unstable or something.
“Just absorbing things and wondering where I go from here.” It’s an honest answer. I know I’ll have to talk to Jared’s dad, my dad… soon. I’ll have to fill in the missing pieces somehow.
“James will have some answers for you, I hope. I’m not sure where he got all his information, but I guess your mom had told him before she passed away.” My chest constricts. Even after all this time, talking about my mom’s passing hurts more than anything. Even more so now, since I have no way of getting answers to the questions I desperately want to ask.
“I miss her,” I say aloud. I didn’t mean to, but apparently, my consciousness slipped.
“I know you do, and I miss mine, too.” He sounds like he is in pain. I turn around to see his face, and in his eyes, I see the terror that was always hidden, right beneath the surface. In the place that only very few know because Enzo keeps it hidden so well.
“Enzo…” I try to stop him from heading down memory lane, but it doesn’t work. We are two very different people living different lives, but one thing we have in common—we both have more questions than we have answers.
“People thought I just liked to kill others like it was part of the act. They didn’t know why though. They didn’t know it was my own personal hell or how every drop of blood that touched my skin soothed the monster inside of me. I killed because I had to. It was the only thing I knew.” I can tell he isn’t with me in the room anymore. At least, not in his mind.
“I’m sorry we both have to deal with this,” I say remorsefully.
“Never be sorry, piccolo… the people who have made us suffer the most will soon be the ones suffering.” A seductive smirk pulls at his lips. It reminds me of a lion right before it sinks its teeth into its prey.
“Good.” I slip into a pair of sweats and one of Enzo’s shirts. I need coffee and something greasy, like, now.
The house is quiet as I tiptoe out into the living room, heading for the kitchen. I glance at the coffee pot sitting on the counter and smell the air as the sweet aroma of coffee hits my nose. Turning around, I find Jared leaning against the wall casually.
“Good morning, I presume?” Jared smirks.
I ignore him for the time being as I grab a coffee cup from the cabinet above my head. I pour myself a coffee and find the cream and sugar.
“You know ignoring me doesn’t make it better. It sure as hell doesn’t change things.” I mix all the ingredients in the cup and wait until I take the first sip to respond to him. Tipping the cup to my lips, I suck in a small taste, savoring the sweetness of the cream and sugar on my lips.
“I’m not ignoring you, Jared. I’m just dealing with everything. I’m absorbing it all, simply because there isn’t any fucking thing else that can be done. Plus, I like to have at least a cup of coffee before talking to anyone, including you.”
“Fair enough. I just want you to know that our father is coming today. He says he has something for you, and it might bring you more closure.” Taking another sip of the coffee goodness, I let his words sink in.