Fuck, I know it. I owe him more than one favor, and I can’t blame her for not mentioning this sooner, but that doesn’t make me feel better about it. Why hasn’t he contacted me?
“Anyway, I got out of the hole with the intent of running or doing whatever I could to escape. Instead of having to fight him though, he just kind of let me go…” She sounds surprised.
“Did he touch you? What else did he say to you? Did he hurt you?” The questions come out rushed, and I feel myself reaching out to touch her, simply to remind myself she is here.
I’m a pussy. A total fucking pussy. Next thing you know, I’ll be watching The Notebook and talking about The Vampire Diaries while drinking a skinny vanilla soy latte.
Smiling, a sexy as all fucking hell grin, she says, “Relax, Mr. King. Nothing happened. He didn’t hurt me. I don’t think he said anything else.” Seconds pass as I watch her work through her thoughts.
Inwardly, I sigh in relief.
“You look like you actually worried about me,” she states, pulling the sheet up to her chest. Her dark brown eyes are anything but doe-like anymore. Everything that seemed shy and unknown has been explored. She is strong, so fucking strong, and she is mine. All mine.
“Amara. I love you. I loved you the moment I met you. I simply didn’t understand what it was that drew me to you. I fought my own men and broke all my own rules to be with you. I may have killed and been ruthless. I may have been the monster everyone makes me out to be, but I never stopped loving you.”
“You don’t always act like it.” Her eyes well up with huge tears. I want to reach out and comfort her, but for what? For being honest and for telling her how much she means to me? One single tear slips from her eye and falls to her cheek where it slides down ever so slowly.
“I know. I fucking know that.”
“You hurt me, you fucking broke me. You think John was a monster, but you’re no better. If anything, you’re the same.”
Fuck! She’s right, I’m no better a person than John, but I love her. I love her with my whole heart.
“You have to know I never meant to hurt you. I’m sorry, Amara. I am so fucking sorry! Do you think I will forget? Because I won’t. I will never forget the night in the cabin... never forget how I hurt the one person who saved my life. I fucked up. I was lost inside my head, only wanting revenge.” My mind drifted back to Mack… I will paint the motherfucking walls with his blood when I am done making him pay.
“I thought the person I had finally fallen in love with had betrayed me, and I was hurt. All I saw was red, and Mack... Mack sounded so fucking believable. I hate myself more than I have ever hated anyone for touching you in any way other than with love. Do you hear me? Understand me right now. I know I was a bastard for...”
“I miss my old life. I just want it all to go back to the way it was…” she pleads, as if I could make all her dreams come true. The truth of the matter is, I can’t fix what’s been done, but I can make the future better.
“I promise to take care of you, to make sure all your needs are met. I will make it all worth it, just stay with me. Hold onto who you are. Please.”
“I don’t want you to think I don’t want you or care about you because I do. I know why you killed John. I understand it was needed on your part, but it’s going to be hard for me to forget it. It doesn’t matter how evil someone is. If you love them even the tiniest bit, you always remember the love, above all else.” I understand what she means. It was similar to how she feels about me. She can always remember the good things I have done over the bad. Even when the bad outweighs the good by a million. She has a heart of gold while I have a cold, dark one.
“It just seems like…” I murmur ashamed. I’ve never worked through such emotions.
“Look at me, Enzo,” she says, cupping my cheek to turn my face into hers. I didn’t resist her touch. “I think I want to be with you, but you need to give me time to figure it out. I want to find out answers, too. No matter what, we can do this together.”
“I’m really sorry. I’m so sorry I put you through all of this. I just want to know you’re okay,” I plead. I hate feeling lower than dirt, even though I deserve it.