And then I understand. Without having to dig deep and pick it apart. I just get it.
She’s good at it, because she’s had a lot of practice.
She’s good at it, because she was forced to do it until she did it right.
She looks up at me with those pleading eyes, begging me to call her a good girl, because he never did.
She’s refusing to stop until I come, because she wants to rinse away everything that was there before.
And it doesn’t matter what I want. Doesn’t matter that there are hundreds of things I want to do with her out in my big bed while I worship her like the goddess she is.
Because what she wants is for me to coat her mouth and throat with my cum so she can stop feeling like the used and unworthy whore he made her believe she was.
So I give her what she needs. As she sucks and licks with her tongue and twists and strokes with her hand, I tell her every loving word I’ve ever thought about her, and just as my balls tighten and my heart thuds inside my chest, I warn her, “I’m about to come for you, Astrid,” and then I do just that, my face contorting in pained ecstasy as I empty myself down her throat, my cum filling it before she can swallow it all and she gags just a little until she gets it all down. She slides my cock out of her mouth slowly, the end coming free with a pop just as I turn the water off, and then she’s squealing, because I pick her up from her knees and haul her out of the shower, grabbing the towel from the warmer as I go.
I throw her on the bed, and she gasps midair before she lands. And the ferocity on my face has to be scaring her, but I’ve lost control. The moment her back hits the comforter, I toss the towel across her. She can dry off if she wants. But I’ll be too busy, and I’m not waiting.
I tug her knees apart, and without any preamble, I slam my parted lips to her pussy, hearing her squeak and feeling her try to close her legs around my head as I suck her lips into the heat of my mouth. Her thighs quiver, and I feel her try to move up the bed, away from my mouth, but I lock my arms around her hips and hold her still. I’m licking, sucking, devouring her, eating her like a starved man, and I am. I’m starved for her. I’ve been dreaming of this moment, playing it out in my mind for an entire year, and it’s finally happening. Finally reality.
“Neil, please!” she begs, and it breaks through my desperation, slices through the anxiousness to taste her and worship this sweet pussy. “Neil!” she cries, and this time her voice makes me pause. I lift my head, looking up her naked body to meet her eyes that are full of panic, and I immediately loosen my grip on her hips.
“What, baby? What’s wrong?” I whisper, and I take in the way her chest rises and falls in pants, her breasts moving with the action of her lungs.
“I… I’ve never done this before,” she says low, her voice full of worry, and I blink at her, wondering what the fuck she’s talking about.
“I…. What?” I prompt, not understanding.
She swallows thickly. “No one… no one has ever gone down on me before,” she confesses, and I blink up at her like an idiot. This whole time, knowing she’d been raped, knowing she’d been forced to take it everywhere she had to give, it never… not once… occurred to me that she’d never had the pleasure of someone’s mouth on her pussy before.
“Goddess,” I breathe, my face going soft, and she bites her lip innocently. God, she’d been through so much. How could she not have at least been warmed up with oral even once before? Not even that, but in my lifestyle, in my club, there were Doms who got off on forcing their sub to come over and over and over again by eating them until they lost consciousness.
But then I recall, Astrid’s ex was the only man she’d ever been with, and if he wasn’t one to enjoy going down on a woman, then he certainly never would have been the one to put his wants aside in order to bring only her pleasure.
And as infuriating as the thought makes me, as much as it elevates my desires to order up a hit to get Brandon suicided in jail, I’m also… grateful. This is one thing, one fucking thing that will be all mine. She’ll never have another memory of anyone else bringing her the immeasurable pleasure of oral sex. It will only be me. And somehow, it’s even better than if she would’ve been a virgin, untouched by anyone else’s hands but mine, because even that first time brings a woman pain. Oral though, worshipping her with my mouth, there is not one ounce of pain—at least the way I’ll do it for her. Only pleasure to be had.