That’s when I realize the warmth is radiating from someone else’s body. It all comes back to me. I was tipsy last night but definitely not drunk. Cooper’s mouth on mine, our bodies writhing against one another, the crinkling of the condom wrappers that had us both grasping for one another in the middle of the night.
I remember it vividly. Cooper was between my thighs, caressing every bare inch of my legs. My name was like a prayer when he came deep inside me. I desperately wished there wasn’t a barrier between us. Knowing that I wasn’t on birth control, though, it wasn’t something I was willing to risk. Especially with my unemployment status.
“Holy shit.” Cooper sits up, dragging the blankets with him, leaving me naked. What could he possibly thinking that isn’t already running through my head? Does he regret our decision? Did we fuck up our friendship, or is it a completely different train of thought?
Is he thinking how good we were together, how we worked together seamlessly in our need of passion throughout the night? Is his body as deliciously sore as mine? Cooper’s gaze lingers on my naked body. I’m more thankful than ever that I walked to work as much as I did. Then he slowly moves his hand around his jaw while he’s taking in his fill of me, my legs moving together to squelch the ache that’s building inside of me again. The way my inner thighs are chafed from the roughness of his beard growing in after working all day, it makes me want him that much more. I swear my whole body came alive last night, for the very first time. When he took me from behind that second time, his hands fisted in my hair with one hand while he slapped my clit with his other, pushing me over the edge. When he let go, his body locked up, and Cooper stayed inside of me until my pussy stopped trembling, making me want him even more.
“You okay, Hadley?” Cooper’s whole demeanor changes. In a blink of a moment, what I thought was everything dropped to nothing. I’ve fucked up once again, this time worse than I ever could have.
“Yeah, umm. I’m just going to go grab a shower and put some clothes on.” I turn my eyes downward, grab Cooper’s shirt he wore last night, pull it over my head, and scurry away.
I make it to my room, slamming the door shut and locking it for good measure. Even if Coop did regret everything last night, there’s no way I can or want to see the disappointment written on his face. His tone alone had me backpedaling as fast as I could. There was no way I wanted to stick around and hear what he had to say. I’m more thankful than ever that my bathroom is attached to my bedroom. Cooper’s place really is amazing, and I’m pretty sure I fucked that all up, like I somehow keep continuing to do.
Tears are threatening to spill over. I try my hardest to keep them at bay while starting the shower. Cooper’s shirt isn’t carelessly dropped on the floor. Instead, I take it off, fold it, and place it on the counter. It may have only been one night with him, but my heart bloomed with so much want and need. I desperately wanted more from him after the kiss he gave me, not just in a sexual way but in a way that included hearts and daisies. Like a schoolgirl, I could imagine writing our names together, doodles being scribbled around them, maybe even playing that age-old game of love, marriage, and babies along the way.
I was so stupid to think he’d want that too, so fucking stupid. I finally make my way into the shower, letting the tears cascade down my cheeks. The loss of Coop, my job, and more than likely the only place I call home is washing down the drain along with so many hopes and dreams.
The pain is deafening, keeping my anguish from wailing out and bringing any more unnecessary attention to myself I keep the noise to a minimum. I’m going to allow myself this shower to cry over the shit that seems to be surrounding me. After that, though, I’m going to put my big girl panties on, get out of the house, and attempt to find a job. If worse comes to worst, I’ll lick my wounds while working at Tyler’s bar again. That age-old motto, or whatever you call it, of how things come in threes, clearly that is what’s happening to me. Except, I’m not going to let it get in my way. I’m going to rise above it and somehow fix this shit, and fast. With that thought in mind, I wash my hair and body, cleansing the quote-unquote “sins” from my body that took place last night, turn the shower off, dry myself off, and get dressed.