“I can tell. You look like a bag of shit, which is saying something, because you could probably go on a four-week bender and not shower once during that time and still manage to look decent—but right now you look like you’ve taken a beatdown by a gaggle of puck bunnies and you did not, in fact, come out on top.”
“Your brain is a weird place, Stevie.”
“You don’t know the half of it.” She props her phone up and leans back in her chair. “So? What happened last night? Oh, wait, weren’t you supposed to try to see Lainey? I’m taking it that didn’t go as well as you hoped.”
I’ve already filled Stevie in on reconnecting with Lainey, my lie, and her response to finding out what I used to be like. “So she agreed to talk to me, but we went to a coffee shop, and I got mobbed.”
Stevie groans and rolls her eyes. “You can’t go to coffee shops when preseason is starting up.”
“I didn’t have a lot of options, and I didn’t think it was going to be as bad as it was. I haven’t been going out much, but the season promo has started, so people are all hyped up, you know? It was worse than usual, but eventually we got out of there . . . anyway, things are a lot more complicated than I expected them to be.” I pour myself a glass of water because my mouth is dry. I’m drained and wound up.
“Complicated how? Why are you so freaking fidgety? Does she have a boyfriend or something?”
“No. Well, she’s been seeing this guy, but I don’t think it’s serious, and I sorta trump him now.”
“Trump him how? Because you’re ridiculously good looking? Spit it out, RJ. You’re antsier than me after a freaking accidental energy drink.”
“So, last night I found out that Lainey has a baby.”
Stevie jerks up, and the phone clatters onto the table, giving me a view of the ceiling fan. Suddenly her face is three inches from the screen and out of focus. “What?” she yells.
“Lainey has a four-month-old baby, and he’s mine.”
Stevie flops back down in the chair, her face a mask of shock. I wonder if that’s what I looked like last night when Lainey told me.
“Holy shit. Are you sure it’s yours?”
“I’m sure. I met him last night, and he looks like me.”
“But . . . what if this is like that crazy chick who pretended to be pregnant with your baby and tagged you on social media for months?” I open my mouth to interrupt, but Stevie’s eyes are wide, and she’s on one of her tangents. “What if this Lainey woman has a type, and you’re it? What if it’s someone else’s baby and she’s trying to pass it off as yours because you’re rolling in money? God, this is like a freaking soap opera. Actually, it’s more like one of those scripted reality shows.”
I level her with an unimpressed glare. “This is super unhelpful—you do realize that?”
“Sorry, sorry.” She raises her hands in the air. “I’m just . . . shocked, I guess? You’re sure the baby is yours?”
“Pretty damn sure, yeah. He has my mouth—and my dimple. There are some very strong family resemblances.”
“Okay. Wow. So I’m an aunt again? Does this mean you two are going to try to make this thing work between you?”
“That’s the thing—she freaked out last night and told me to leave.”
Stevie narrows her eyes. “Why? What did you do?”
“Why do you automatically think it’s something I did?”
“Because you’re a guy, and you’ve never incubated a human life inside your body.”
“Neither have you.”
“Yeah, but I have the ability to, unlike you with your silly dangly parts. So, what happened to make her freak out on you?”
“I don’t really know. She let me see Kody—”
“His name is Kody?”
“Yeah.”
“I love it. Okay, continue.” She crosses her legs and motions for me to go on.
I’m thinking I probably should’ve waited to call my brother for advice, but I continue anyway. “So, she let me come up to her apartment to meet Kody, and when I realized that he’s really mine, I told her I would set up a nursery in my house and that I would take care of them.”
Stevie arches a brow. “I’m sorry, you said what?”
“That I would take care of them. He’s mine as much as he is hers. I’ve already missed out on the first four months of his life. I’m not going to miss out on any more of it.”
“Did you happen to say that to her as well?”
“Yeah, of course. I have every right to be part of his life. I have all the resources to take care of him. Of both of them.”
Stevie gives me her you’re an idiot face.
“Why are you looking at me like that?”