Below the post are a slew of comments from other girls. I recognize quite a few of their names and faces from their profile pics. It’s messed up how my rejection is like a rite of passage.
I nab a beer from the fridge, twist off the top, and take a long swig. It’s too nice to sit inside, so I step out on my back deck, put on some tunes, and relax. That lasts three minutes. I’m not good at sitting around for long. I also feel shitty about what happened with Marcie.
It’s not my fault she romanticized one night, but it never feels good to make a girl cry. I made Lily cry, but that was different, and I think that’s been resolved at this point. I pull up her contact. I messaged her a few days ago and got a response that she was at work. I haven’t heard anything since. Next weekend will be here soon, so I figure it’s a good idea to start a slightly more consistent back and forth. That way I can get a good gauge on whether she’s feeling me or not.What ru up to?Her message comes less than two minutes later.Getting ready 4 wrk. U?That’s all she ever seems to do.Drinking beer on my back deck.The next one comes faster. There’s a frowning emoticon attached to it.Rub it in y don’t u.I grin as I type the next message.I can think of lots of things I’d like to rub on u.There’s a longer break, and I worry I’ve pushed too far, too fast. I’m about to send a message telling her I’m joking when the dots appear in my feed.ru trying 2 sext me?Perfect. This is the exact response I’m looking for.Maybe. Do u wanna b sexted?I don’t have to wait long for her reply.I’m about to teach a class. Not a good time.My next message is loaded:When do u get off?She either misses the innuendo or ignores it.10.I can wait.I’ll sext u then.Unfortunately, I drink too many beers and get too much sun, so I end up passed out on my couch much earlier than I intended. I wake up at midnight and message Lily, but I don’t hear back after ten minutes, so I assume she’s already in bed or ignoring me.
It’s cool, though. I have all week to sext the hell out of her in preparation for the weekend.Chapter 6Sexting 101LILYI would like to say I don’t wait for Randy’s sext messages when I get home from work. But that might be a lie. While I’m hanging out in my room… not waiting… I do what I’ve been doing since Randy and I first hooked up: I creep him on social media. It’s not hard to do. His face is all over the place. His pretty, pretty face and his superhot body.
New ones have surfaced today, including a few of him lounging by a pool in a pair of swim shorts. Even relaxed he has a six pack. There’s also one of him with some slutty bunny sitting in what appears to be a car. Her boobs take up ninety percent of the picture. Okay, that’s a slight exaggeration, but they fill more of the frame than mine would.
My stomach does this weird drop thing. It’s the same feeling I used to get when Benji flirted with other girls in front of me. He did it on purpose to piss me off. He also used to point out all the girls with better boobs than me at the beach. I tried not to let it get to me, but I was rarely successful.
Usually we’d end up having a big fight. I’d break up with him, he’d threaten to hook up with some girl, I’d tell him to go ahead, he’d walk away. Sometimes I’d chase him and cry, other times I’d let him go. He’d always apologize eventually, and we’d get back together. I hated the crying part the most. I don’t like to feel weak. Not being with him is so much less stressful.
This isn’t the same situation at all. I don’t have a claim on Randy; we’re doing whatever we’re doing. He’s been messaging quite a bit, so he seems to have picked up on my decision to give him a try. Casual messing around, I guess. Possibly casual sex, depending on what happens next weekend.
He finally messages me at midnight. I stare at my phone for a good long while, debating whether I want to respond. Violet made a good point about Randy being a fun rebound. Based on all my internet research/stalking I know what’s going on between us isn’t going to be serious. I think I can handle that. I want to be able to handle it. I’ve been with Benji for seven years so I have no idea if I can handle it. I’m going to try.