“No, but—”
“But what, Sunny? How many more times do I have to apologize for things that are outside of my control? I got bit on the balls by a damn spider trying to get in touch with you.”
I take her hand in mine before she can start with the hair twirling. “I’m not gonna lie; I was pissed at Waters for fucking my sister in the locker room. At the time, all I knew was that he had the same bad rep that I did, and I thought he was playing my sister. Like he thinks I’m playing you.” I look up at her. She’s nervous, like me.
“I never would’ve coerced you into bed to get back at him. That’s just assholey. But I also didn’t think it would be all that bad for him to know how it felt to have someone he didn’t like go after his sister.
“I was gonna buy you some drinks and make sure you got home okay. But when we started talking, you were fun, and sweet, and gorgeous—and you weren’t all up on my dick three seconds after we were introduced. I knew I wanted to see you again, even if Waters was going to be on my ass about it. It would’ve been easier to say screw it, but that wasn’t what I wanted then, and it isn’t what I want now.”
Sunny’s quiet for a long time. “I think in the back of my mind I’ve worried you had ulterior motives when it came to being with me.”
“You thought that, or Lily and Waters made you believe that?”
“I don’t know. Both, maybe?” She peeks up with watery eyes.
Hearing her say that is like taking a stick to the throat. “What else do I need to do to make you believe you’re the only one I’m interested in? You gotta stop thinking the absolute worst about every picture you see, especially when you already know how easy it is for things to be misconstrued, Sunny. I can’t police what goes out there, or stop the bunnies and the way they react because of how things were in the past. What I can control are the things I say and do when it comes to you. At some point you’re gonna have to put some faith in me.”
“It’s hard when the pictures keep showing up, even when you’re not at parties.”
I nod. “For me, the hardest part is dealing with how my past impacts my present, and how it affects you.” I can’t change anything that’s already happened, and that sucks. “Is that why you went camping with Lily and your ex, even after we made up?”
“It’s not the only reason.”
“Convenient how you left out the part about how you and Kale were together for four years.”
Her head snaps up, eyes wide.
I answer the question she doesn’t ask. “I talked to Vi after you left. I was concerned, obviously, about you spending the week with him. I wanted to know what I was up against.”
“Up against?”
“That dude is walking around with a divining rod in his pants aimed at you.”
“It’s not like that. Our relationship has always been difficult. He’s Benji’s best friend. We have to see each other.”
“You want honesty from me? Well, that goes both ways, sweets. Are you sure you’re not looking to get back together with Bushm—Kale? You two looked cozy in all those pictures he posted this week.” We might as well get it all out now. It’s strange; I expected her to be the one getting angry, but here it’s me.
Sunny bites her lip, white teeth pressing into plush pink skin. I miss her mouth. I miss everything about her even though she’s right in front of me. Maybe this is what love is. If so, I’m not sure I like it all that much. This feels like I’ve taken a puck to the balls, except it’s hurting from the inside out instead.
“I don’t want to be with Kale.”
“Does he know that? You strung him along this week for what? To see whether you still had feelings for him? To make me jealous?”
“Do you have any idea what it’s like dating you? Do you know how often I have to defend why I’m with you? How many times I’ve checked my own stupid social media to find someone has tagged me in a picture of you with another girl?
“Has it ever been me posting the pictures?”
“No, but it makes me look stupid for being with you when there are pictures of you with someone who isn’t me all the time!”
There’s the anger I’ve been waiting for.
“People assume you must be sleeping with them because that’s what you’re known for doing! Sometimes it’s hard not to question whether it’s true. And then there was the one yesterday with the girl who looked like me. So the answer to your question is yes, Miller. I want you to be jealous, because that’s how I feel all the time when I’m not with you. Happy now?”