CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
DEFLATEDThe next morning I get up early, partly because I can’t stop thinking about Sunny, and partly because my balls hurt, and I have to pee. I head to the bathroom, still hobbling, but not quite as bad as I was last night. I’m unhappy to see that my balls are still bigger than they should be when I free the lightning rod. The swelling hasn’t gone down the way I’d hoped it would overnight.
I stop by the medical clinic before breakfast. I’ll get another shot of antihistamine, participate in closing activities, and get my ass to Sunny.
I drop my drawers; Nurse Debbie’s expression remains neutral as she inspects the situation.
“Shouldn’t the swelling have gone down more than this?” I ask.
“It’s not the swelling that’s the issue. It’s the fluid.”
“Fluid?”
“Sometimes this happens, especially when there’s an allergic reaction to the bite. The site fills with fluid.”
“Like a blister?”
“That’s a reasonable comparison, yes.”
“Okay. So will it go down on its own?” I can’t be walking around with balls the size of grapefruits. And I have a long drive ahead of me. Sitting isn’t going to be comfortable like this. Most importantly, I need my parts to work again. Soon.
“Eventually, yes.”
“How long is eventually?”
“It could take a few days, maybe longer.”
“That’s no good. Isn’t there something we can do? Something you can give me?”
Nurse Debbie clears her throat and looks at her clipboard. “The antibiotics I gave you last night should help. There’s another option—”
I slap my thighs. “Well, what is it? Anything is better than having a giant nut sac.”
“I can drain the bite.”
“Drain it?”
She nods. “That will definitely alleviate swelling.”
“So you’d do that by . . .” I let the question hang. I have a feeling I already know the answer. There’s only one way to drain fluid.
“Using a needle.”
“Right. Okay.”
I run my hands up and down my thighs. My stomach feels like it’s hanging out in my toes. I’ve had stitches plenty of times without any freezing. I’ve watched the team doctor put a huge needle in a gaping wound on my arm, and it didn’t even faze me. But a needle in the balls is different. They’re attached to the center of my universe.
“My balls will go back to being their regular size?”
“It should help significantly.”
“I’ll be in working order sooner?”
“You should be if you take it easy and don’t overexert yourself. You’ll have to sit out today, and no strenuous activity for the next few days.”
“What’s considered strenuous?”
“Anything high impact. I’m also recommending that you wear briefs to reduce friction.”
“I’ll get briefs today.” I can make sex with Sunny low impact if I need to for a few days. “Okay. Let’s do this.”
“If you’re sure.” She’s giving me an out.
I can’t take it now even if I want to. “I’m sure.”
“I’ll numb the site first.”
“Sounds good.” I’m not above making this more manageable.
Nurse Debbie gives me another one of those hospital gowns to change in to. It’s ironic that she gives me privacy for that, since she’ll be spending time with my nuts again shortly, but I put it on and sit back down. I have to keep my legs spread so I have enough room for my swollen parts. After the numbing, Nurse Debbie leaves me alone again while we wait for it to take effect.
Since there’s no one else around, I use the voice-to-text function to send Sunny a message. I honestly don’t know why people bother typing. This is so much easier.How are you feeling this morning?I flip through my emails while I wait for a response. It looks like Amber had access to the Internet yesterday. I have twelve new emails from her. Most of them are audio messages.
Nurse Debbie comes back with a covered tray. I stop checking messages and let her do her thing, keeping my eyes on the ceiling. I have no interest in seeing the needle she plans to use.
“Okay. There’s going to be a pinch, but I need you to stay as still as you can.”
I’m trying to stay relaxed. The “pinch” feels more like someone jabbed me in the balls with a hot poker.
When she’s done, she swabs the site and covers it with gauze and medical tape. That’s going to be a bitch to get off. I sit up and check out my package. It’s not as swollen. I get another shot of antihistamines, a straight shot of antibiotics, and a couple more painkillers. I’m still not allowed to play in the tournament this morning, which blows, but not as much as giant balls.
I slide off the bed and give walking a shot. My limp isn’t as pronounced anymore. Still, I’ll take Nurse Debbie’s advice and get myself some briefs.
After the clinic, I hit the mess hall. I can sit with the counselors, but sometimes it’s nice to hang out with the kids and shoot the shit. It’s still early, and they’re trickling in a few at a time. My buddy Michael sits at a table by himself, poking at his pancakes.