Pushing forward, he planned to stop at his home office for a moment to drop off his briefcase and coat when he found Andrei pacing in front of the massive window with his cell phone pressed to his ear. Lucas stood in the doorway, eating up the sight of him. He loved the man’s broad shoulders and lean frame. He moved smoothly, even with his injured knee, as if he were part cat. Andrei grunted, and the words that followed weren’t English but Romanian, his voice a low, almost hypnotic rise and fall. A sinuous dance even though Lucas didn’t have a clue as to what he was saying.
He took a step into the room, sure he hadn’t made a sound, but Andrei jerked around, frowning at him. He barked something to the other person on the phone and abruptly ended the call. Muscles in his clenched jaw jumping as if he were grinding his teeth as he stared at Lucas. No more than a couple of dozen feet separated them, but it felt like miles. Lucas ached to go to him, to run his hands along Andrei’s face and massage away all the tension, but instead he stayed standing just past the open doorway, his briefcase in hand.
“Your parents?” he asked, not surprised that his own voice sounded like it had been dragged along the ground before reaching his ears.
“No.”
And then nothing more. Lucas didn’t even know where to begin.
Sucking in an unsteady, deep breath, Lucas walked over and placed his briefcase beside the sofa several feet away from the desk where Andrei stood. He slid out of his suit jacket and draped it over the sofa as well. He caught another glimpse of his shaking hands and clenched them into fists for a second. His stomach roiled and churned. Nothing had terrified him as much as this moment. Not his years in the service or those pain-filled nights with Snow when his friend was nearly lost to his own demons. Not even when Andrei had been beaten and kidnapped. He’d been sure he would get Andrei back.
This time, he wasn’t so sure. And the pain that Andrei felt, he’d caused.
Dragging his eyes up to Andrei’s furious glare, Lucas straightened his shoulders and licked his lips. “I’m sorry.”
Andrei shook his head, his full lips pressed into a hard, unyielding line for a second before he spoke. “That it?”
“No, I—”
“Do you even know what you’re sorry for?” Andrei snapped, cutting him off.
“For hurting you.” Lucas lurched forward a step, finally overcoming his own body’s inertia to draw closer to Andrei, stopping only when he encountered the chairs before the desk. “God, I have never wanted to hurt you. You mean everything to me. Everything…” Lucas squeezed his eyes closed for a second, as memories of that night more than a year ago in that abandoned warehouse flashed through his mind. Andrei naked on the cold concrete floor. Bruised and bloody. Oh God, was he even breathing? “But when Chris Green nearly killed—”
“You think this has anything to do with Chris Green?” Andrei demanded, his voice sharp and incredulous.
Lucas’s eyes instantly snapped open and he jerked back a half step. His thoughts scattered. The explanation and apology that he’d attempted to craft over the past several days scattered to the wind like bits of trash. This wasn’t about Green? It had to be about Green.
“I…I don’t understand,” he stammered. “He…” Lucas paused and shook his head, trying to focus. “I killed him.”
“Yeah, I know what happened. Rowe filled me in on all the details while you. Were. Gone,” Andrei said, practically snarling the last three words. “You shot Chris Green. You killed him and destroyed the body. Do you honestly think I didn’t know that?”
Lucas shook his head. Had he really believed that? Maybe. They’d never talked about it. Never brought up Andrei’s captivity or what had happened afterward. They’d simply focused on being together, blocking out the past. It had felt too dangerous to talk about it, as if talking about it would destroy the fragile thing they were attempting to build.
“But…”
“I knew. I’m not a fucking idiot! I didn’t know the exact details, but I could easily figure this shit out. Green had killed Patrick Laughlin and nearly killed both you and Thomas Lynton. He nearly killed me. What if you had taken this to the cops and the man got off? You weren’t willing to chance him getting another shot at me. Or maybe the next time he’d go after Snow or Ian. No, it was safer to kill Green to keep all of your family protected.”
Lucas nodded rather than trying to speak past the lump that had formed in his throat. Yes, he’d told himself at the time that he’d had a good reason. He’d believed it completely. He would do anything to protect the lives of those he loved. He’d killed to protect them.