But then, Noah was loyal to a fault.
Clenching his fists at his sides, Rowe drew in a deep breath to settle the butterflies high on crack in his stomach.
Rowe stopped in the doorway to the guest room and whatever breath he managed to take was knocked out of his lungs at the sight of Noah sitting on the edge of the bed, his elbows balanced on his knees and his head down. His packed bag sat on the bed next to him. Noah was leaving.
At that moment, every planned teasing remark, every argument that they could find a balance fled his brain. His throat tightened until he could barely swallow and his knees were threatening to dump his ass on the floor. He could fix this. They could fix this. “Don’t leave,” Rowe croaked out. He clasped the doorway with both hands, because he was pretty sure it would be the only way that he kept his feet.
A heavy sigh slipped from Noah, but he didn’t look up. His long hair hung down, obscuring his face so that Rowe couldn’t see his bright eyes, couldn’t read his expression. And maybe he didn’t want to. His sigh had said more than enough already.
“Rowe…”
“Please, don’t leave,” he repeated because it was the only clear thought running through his brain.
“I didn’t want to leave without telling you. After Mel…since Mel’s death, I know you’ve been anxious about me disappearing and I didn’t want to do that to you.” Noah paused and folded his hands together, fingers tightening around each other.
Rowe wanted to reach out and touch him, run his fingers through his hair, pushing it away from his face so he could read his expression. He wanted to press his face into Noah’s throat and just breathe the other man in, let his heat wrap around him. He wanted to feel that little shudder that ran through Noah just before he finally surrendered to the one thing he seemed to want more than his next breath—Rowe.
“I’m not leaving town,” Noah continued after several seconds of tense silence as if he were trying to get his own emotions pulled together. “I said that I’d help you and I will help. I’ll stay in town until I know that you’re safe.”
“Where are you going? A hotel?”
Noah sat up so that Rowe could see his face. His skin was pale and dark circles underlined his eyes. He looked worn. Like he had when he’d first arrived. “Ian’s. He said I could stay with him.” Noah paused, his eyes narrowing on Rowe and his voice growing harder when he added, “There’s nothing going on.”
“I know,” Rowe quickly replied.
Noah had made it abundantly clear that Rowe was the only person he was interested in. That didn’t mean he didn’t feel a sickening flash of jealousy at the thought of Noah staying at Ian’s, knowing in some dark part of his heart that Ian could make Noah so damn happy. And Noah would take great care of Ian. But he…he just couldn’t let go.
“If I’m staying there at night, I can protect him and give his bodyguard time off. It’ll be safer for Ian.”
Rowe clenched his teeth, swallowing back a growl. It was an argument that he struggled to fight. He wanted Ian to be safe, and there were few in the world who could protect Ian better, but he didn’t want Noah staying anywhere at night other than under Rowe’s roof.
“What about me? Who’s going to watch my back?” Rowe asked, trying for teasing but he felt guilty as soon as the words left his lips.
“Rowe, I-I-I can’t. I…just can’t.”
Noah surged to his feet and walked around the bed to the far side of the room as if he didn’t trust himself being within arm’s reach of Rowe. He crossed his arms over his chest, pulling the soft material of his knit shirt across his broad shoulders. A frown dug deep furrows in his face and he paced back and forth. Something demanded that Rowe cross the room and run his fingers over Noah’s face until he finally smoothed away the troubled lines, tell him goofy stories until he laughed, but he couldn’t. That path led to other terrifying things so he shoved his hands into his pockets and leaned his shoulder against the doorjamb.
“I—”
“No,” Noah interrupted sharply. “I get it. I seriously do. You lost your wife nine, ten months ago, and every story I hear just proves how fucking amazing she was. I know it’s way too soon for you to even think about moving on and I never want to replace her in your heart.” Noah stopped, glaring at the bed, his hands tightening until Rowe heard several knuckles crack. “If anything, you’re just looking for a good fuck and that’s it. And if you were anyone else, I’d be happy to help. No strings attached. No fucking complications.”