He hated losing anyone. It was the one part of his job he never could get past.
The way she’d stared at him, as the life drained from her eyes, had been keeping him up nights. He gulped more of the crappy whiskey, hating that it burned wrong, but still trying to shove the image away. The last person anyone should see as they lay dying in this world was him.
Running his gaze over Lucas, he took in the black jeans and black cashmere sweater that made his friend look like some kind of dark pirate and managed to grin. Lucas leaned against the wall in their small booth and he’d spent most of the two hours frowning at the live band. Snow snickered. “Tell me again how we came here to check out the band for one of your places. I dare you.”
Lucas’s scowl grew darker. “Fuck you. You know why we’re here.”
“You didn’t want another of your own places getting shot up?”
One black eyebrow went up. “You think I’d have brought you along if I thought they’d have guns again?”
“Like you could stop me.”
In truth, Snow was just happy to see Lucas again after his two-week absence. Even if Lucas did look like hell and his patience had become absolutely microscopic. The dark shadows under his eyes and constant, angry tic of muscles in his jaw spoke of a man pushed to his limits. In all their years together, Snow couldn’t remember ever seeing Lucas so frayed…and all over some guy he’d known for barely a week. Something fluttered in Snow’s chest that he didn’t want to examine too closely. Was he jealous? Threatened that someone commanded Lucas’s attention so completely? Or just pissed that Andrei could hurt his friend?
Fuck. He felt like he should do or say something. Lucas was hurting, though he would never admit to that, and Snow felt so utterly useless. Lucas was the one who handled these things. He smoothed the waves and soothed the pain. The man instinctively knew the right touch, the right amount of force and murmured words to pull Snow out of his dark places. Snow should be able to give back. To not fail his friend.
Snow sneered at himself and picked up his whiskey again, watching the ice swirl in his glass and wishing he could hear the clink against the sides. Grimacing, he set it back down. He was spoiled and he didn’t care. This slop wasn’t worth the pain it would give his stomach later. He glanced up at the back of Lucas’s current bodyguard’s head. The man had squeezed into the booth behind theirs and Snow was pretty sure he wouldn’t be able to get out fast enough to save anyone. “Maybe you should have greased the new guy up before forcing him into one of these booths.”
“Trust me, I have no interest in oiling that man for any reason.” Lucas traded the scowl for a faint smile. “He looks tough enough to take you on.” He leaned closer. “Come to think of it, you seem good—you get all that anger worked out?”
“Been too busy to worry about it.” Snow shrugged, unwilling to talk about his own problems. Those eyes. Staring at him. Desperately wanting him to stop what she knew was happening…“I think we need to be focusing on you right now. I’m fine. You’re not.” He slowly smiled, telling himself to just fucking man up and wade in. “You got it bad, my friend.”
Lucas opened his mouth, but Snow cut him off.
“Don’t even bother to deny it. The worry is coming off you like some kind of noxious gas.”
Lucas’s lip curled. “Pleasant. I’ll leave the hooking up to you tonight then.”
“Like it was even a possibility. For you. ” He wiped all amusement off his face and leaned over the table. “You slept with the hot bodyguard.”
Lucas just shrugged.
Snow nodded. “I thought so. And you didn’t just sleep with him. What—did you fucking bond or something?”
“Shut up, Frost.”
“I’ll give you that he’s cute and got a great mouth on him,” Snow teased, giving a little shrug as he continued, “But is he really worth—”
Lucas’s hand slammed down on the table, rattling their glasses with enough force to nearly topple them. “Ash! Drop it. This is not open for discussion.”
The proverbial wall slammed down between them, fifty feet high and made of solid stone. There would be no reaching Lucas, not here at least. That was the worst part of their relationship. Lucas could dig at all of them, get them to pour out their pain and fear, as if he were the pope taking confessions on Sunday, but when it came to his own pain and fear, they remained locked away and untouchable. Hell, if Andrei could touch that side of Lucas maybe he wasn’t so bad after all.