He should have stopped coming into the office to work out just so he could avoid the worried looks of his friends, but it was the only place where he felt at home, the only place where he could push back the dark thoughts for just a few hours.
Rowe lowered his voice as he followed. “I thought I was a stubborn man. I thought my friend, Lucas, was too. You, man, you take the fucking cake, and then some. How long are you going to wait to go see him?”
He sucked in a breath. “I don’t want to talk about this.” He turned to leave and growled when Rowe grabbed his arm. He didn’t know what made him do it. It wasn’t something he ever would have done before—to anyone he cared about. He’d left his pummeling days long, long behind. But it felt like everything inside him just snapped. He yelled, swung around, and smashed his fist into Rowe’s cheek.
Rowe staggered back, surprise sending his eyes wide as he lifted a hand to his face.
“Oh, you did not!” Noah yelled behind him. Footsteps sounded on the mat.
Royce knew his boss’s boyfriend was coming to put him on his back, and he welcomed it. Welcomed the idea of a fight. The guy was big, and he fought with crazy skill. Surely he’d knock Royce out for a while.
“No.” Rowe held up his hand, eyes locked behind Royce. “It’s okay. He didn’t mean it. Did you, Royce?”
He couldn’t breathe, so he couldn’t answer. All he could do was stare at the red spreading over Rowe’s face as his chest grew tighter and tighter. A smear of darker crimson colored the tip of his nose. Royce lifted his hand, gaze finally moving down to focus on the back of it, at the fresh blood.
“Come on,” Rowe said, his voice low. “Let’s go to my office.”
The silence in the room was deafening. Everyone had stopped what they were doing to watch, but to Royce, it was just a faceless mass of people who’d seen him screw up. Royce nodded and followed him up the stairs. Quinn stood near the top, eyes wide with worry. Royce wanted to offer him some kind of reassurance but didn’t have it in him.
Rowe closed the door behind them once they were in his office. “Sit down. I’ve got a first aid kit in the bathroom. I’ll fix up your hands.” He kept talking as he walked. “This isn’t like you, Karras.”
“Don’t call me that,” he said, voice raspy. Royce leaned back, and the black leather couch squeaked as he slumped against it.
“It’s still your name. A good name. Just because some people who share it aren’t good doesn’t mean the name is sullied.” Rowe came back and sat down next to Royce. He was gentle as he cleaned the split skin on Royce’s knuckles. “Is part of this from killing them?”
He shook his head, surprised when mind swirled into a dizzy mess.
“Hold on.” Rowe got up and walked to his desk. When he came back, he handed Royce a protein bar. “They aren’t the good ones my friend makes, but they’ll do. Eat it with your left. Your right is a mess.” He chuckled. “My face is hard, eh?”
He opened the wrapper and took a bite. After three, some of the dizziness left. “I’m sorry. I don’t know why I hit you.”
“I do.” Rowe looked up from where he was bent over Royce’s hand. “You’re exhausted, and your heart is broken because you’re fighting something for a reason I don’t understand. Why are you doing this to yourself? I know I gripe about not running a dating service here, but there was something between you two. Something big.”
He didn’t even pretend to not know who Rowe was talking about. “Did you know Marc has a heart condition?”
Rowe sat up. “So? And that means what? He’s not worth it?”
His lip curled. “He’s worth everything.”
He stared for a long moment, and Royce felt like shit to see the color on his pale skin. He shouldn’t have hit him. Rowe went back to doctoring his knuckles. “You’re going to have to give me more to work with here, buddy.”
Royce closed his eyes and forced himself to take several slow, deep breaths. “I lost someone, partly because of a heart condition we didn’t know he had. But it was my fault.”
Rowe went still, not letting go of Royce’s hand. “Oh,” he said softly. “That explains a lot. Hey.” He patted Royce until he looked back at him. “Are you worried he’s going to keel over on you?”
“I’m worried about the danger I’ll bring to his life. He deserves to be healthy, happy…and alive.”
“Worth everything, you said?”
Royce nodded and stared at the half of the protein bar he had left. The taste of oats and nuts on his tongue made him faintly nauseated.