“When my parents died…I…I wasn’t that close with my dad, but my mom…she was everything. She made me feel like I was worthwhile, that I was a good person, and that I could do good things in life. With her gone, I just had my siblings, and you’ve seen how they treat me.” Marc swore softly, shaking his head. “I was convinced I was useless trash. I hated myself for failing to live up to my dead mother’s belief in me. I deserved to be treated like trash, so I went looking for it.”
“Marc…” Royce couldn’t stop the pained whisper. He reached out and wrapped his hand around Marc’s forearm. Marc tried to pull away, but Royce refused to release him.
“No, I need to get this out.”
“Tell me, but I’m not letting go.”
Marc stared at him for a moment, and Royce could see some of the pain recede from his blue eyes.
“Those first couple of years after their death, I fell in with men who beat me, treated me like the trash I believed I was. It was bad. The worse they treated me, the better I felt. The physical pain blotted out the voices in my head, the pain in my heart. I was so heavily caught up in that world, I got into some trouble. Along with Dr. Frost. Things went really bad. He was in worse shape than me. I knew Lucas Vallois, managed to call him. Both he and Rowe showed up like avenging angels. Rowe was pissed and ranting at his friend, and you could see how scared he was for him—how much he worried about him. That was actually one of my biggest wake-up calls. I wanted that. Friends like that. A boyfriend like that.”
“Pretty sure they were never boyfriends.”
“No, but they love each other deeply, and I wanted that.” He ran his hands through his hair. “Fuck, I don’t know if I’m making sense.”
“You are.” Royce felt raw—like he’d been turned inside out. Marc had grown up on the outskirts of a family, always feeling separate, and he must have been so goddamn lonely when his parents died. He understood that kind of pain and how that led to some really bad decisions.
“Your boss grabbed me, too, that time. Read me the riot act while driving me home. Said I should have done more to look out for myself. I was so stupid. He was a witness to some pretty dumb shit, so I’m sure his opinion of me is as low as it could possibly be.” He stepped closer and whispered. “That was a long time ago. I’m not a part of that world anymore, but I thought you should know. Hell, I haven’t even had that much sex at all the last few years. I’ve gone out of my way to avoid men that I thought would dominate me in the bedroom. I didn’t trust myself. I was afraid of falling back into bad habits, of being weak. But…you’re different. I knew you were different.”
Royce’s heart raced at Marc’s words. He’d taken a chance with Royce. Trusted him. And it was humbling. “I would never hurt you. There is nothing weak about you. You’re brilliant, kind, and so damn strong.”
Marc’s shy smile returned. “I could say the same about you.”
“Do you think a bad past is gonna scare me off?”
“No. I think maybe we have something really good between us, and I don’t want you accidentally running into a ghost from back then or running off because of something your boss tells you.”
“Gossip isn’t really his style.”
“No, but looking out for the people he cares about is. Very much so.”
That was certainly the truth. There wasn’t anything Rowe wouldn’t do for those he cared about. Royce wasn’t entirely sure he fit into that slot, but he did know that the man had his back in anything work-related. And if he were being entirely honest with himself, in any situation really. He only hired people he trusted, and the Ward Security umbrella was full of people who looked out for each other on all levels. It was almost like having a family. It would probably be more so if Royce had ever allowed himself to really sink into their world.
He thought back to his interview with Rowe for the job, when he’d told him about the work he’d done in Virginia, expecting to be thrown out on his ass. Rowe had merely asked if he was done being a shithead. He’d known then he wanted to work for the man more than anyone else. There was a…goodness to him that drew Royce.
Marc watched him silently, that pensive expression back on his face.
Royce took a deep breath of fresh air and eyed the arbor of branches above their heads. “We all have bad things in our pasts, Marc.” He looked back to him and held out his hand. “Come on, I want to eat lunch in the walled, medieval city and still see the rest of this place.”