Moving toward me, head ducked to the side like he so often did, ear almost touching his shoulder.
The years had rounded Connor out, due to the stress of the job and, I imagined - with a heavy heart - a string of unsuccessful romances. But such was the fate of far too many good-hearted men in law enforcement. Men who married the jobs, committed to them more fully than to their women.
"Helen," he said, giving me a familiar warm smile.
"Connor," I greeted him back, sending him a smile as well, one for old time's sake. He was my only bridge between my old life and my new one, the only person who had known me before I even knew things like a new life were possible. For that, he would always have a special place in my heart.
"I got some reports today about someone going missing," he started, brow lifted. "Your brother."
"Oh, really?" I asked, feigning ignorance even though we both knew exactly what had happened. He was still a cop. I was protecting myself. And him as well. From having to cover for me. From what Charlie said, Collings was one of the few fair cops on the force at the NBPD. I didn't want to be the reason he had to lose that reputation. "Imagine that."
His lips curved up further, this man who understood gray areas in life, who knew that some things that were illegal were still necessary.
"You and Charlie and the boys are free."
"We are."
"I'm happy for you."
I smiled, shaking my head a little.
"I wish things could be different. I wish we could have been friends, Connor."
"We're friends," he corrected, shaking his head. "From afar. I'll always care about you. And for as long as I can, as far as I can without overstepping lines, I will take care of Charlie. And the boys. For you."
"You're too good of a man for words, Connor," I told him, giving his arm a squeeze. "I'll always care about you as well."
"Ma!" Hunt's voice called, making me start.
"You need to go."
"Hunter is going to bring a girl home," I told him, unable to hold the smile back. Even if I wanted to. Which I didn't.
"You'll finally have those daughters," he agreed, knowing me so well.
"Fingers crossed. Sunday dinners are about to get a lot more interesting."EPILOGUEHelen - Sunday dinner - present timelineThirty-eight years.
It felt like nothing.
Like a blink of an eye.
Like I stopped to catch my breath when the boys were teenagers, and suddenly they all had families of their own.
It was surreal to think of our lives in terms of years.
So many yet not enough.
"Helen," Fee's voice pulled me out of my reverie. "You okay?" she asked, brows furrowed a bit.
I wasn't one for drifting off, for daydreaming.
But this particular Sunday dinner fell on mine and Charlie's anniversary. It was making me uncharacteristically sentimental.
The girls were here as they often were, helping me prep a meal that had to feed more mouths every year.
"Yeah, just thinking," I agreed. "What did I miss?"
"We were discussing butt plugs," Peyton announced loudly, carefree, as she always did, her belly big and growing, covered in a shirt that had a kid standing at an altar surrounded by his toys, a giant pentagram on the podium before him with the words Lets start a cult! in bold font beside it. Motherhood would not calm her. And I couldn't be happier about it. "Autumn got a new shipment of them in at the store," she added, snapping green beans into a bowl with the practiced ease of countless Sunday dinners doing the exact same thing.
"Why am I getting the feeling there is something special about these butt plugs?" I asked, smiling at the way Dusty's and Savvy's cheeks went the slightest bit pink. Even after all the times we discussed delicate topics, they never could seem to do it with the ease of the girls like Fee, Peyton, Lea, and Autumn.
"They're stainless steel fists," Autumn supplied with a smile as she shucked white corn, the silk getting everywhere as it so often did.
"Fists?" Dusty asked, looking worried.
"Why stainless steel?" Lea asked.
"To freeze or heat before," Peyton informed us.
"I'm pretty open to experimentation," Scotti said, brows furrowed, "but I can't imagine an entire fist up there is necessary."
"Oh! I have something to show you!" Peyton said, face beaming, reaching for her phone.
"No," Autumn said automatically.
"No, what?" I asked, loving how those two had always been able to know what was on the other's mind all the time.
"She is going to show you what happens when anal fisting is done too often."
"I don't want to hear this, do I?" Savea asked, looking grim, prepared for the inevitable.
"When did our conversations need to stoop to prolapses?" Lea asked, scrunching up her face. "And Peyt, babe, why the fuck do you think any of us want to see that?"