“My shower broke and there was water going everywhere. You know this building; it’s a hellhole. So I called the machine and flipped shit about the owner being a slumlord.”
“Oh, this is good,” Fee said and I could mentally see her propping her stilettos up on the desk as she reached for her coffee. “Did you guys do it? No. Scratch that. You couldn’t have done it. You’re too surly.”
“Gee, thanks,” I laughed. “He fixed the thingy in the pipe…”
“Oh, I bet he did.”
“Shut up, Fee,” I laughed, shaking my head. “And then we cleaned up the water. And then we kissed. That’s it.”
“If that’s it, what are you so pissy for? A kiss can mean as little as a handshake sometimes.” Yeah, it definitely wasn’t a handshake. I was pretty sure I never creamed my panties over a nice firm handshake. “Unless it’s more than that and you just don’t want to admit it.”
“It’s not going to be more than that,” I said with as much finality as I could muster.
“Then why are you calling me bitching?”
“I didn’t want him knowing where I lived.”
“Because your pants start screaming ‘take me off!’ around him, perhaps?”
“I hate you,” I said, shaking my head at my ceiling.
“You love me and you know it.”
“I guess I am used to being the bad influence friend. It’s weird to be on the receiving end of this.”
“Get used to it. I am going to be on your case until I know you guys have bumped uglies.”
“Bumped uglies?” I repeated on a laugh. “You are a retired phone sex operator and the best you can come up with is ‘bump uglies’? I’m disappointed in you.”
“Gland to gland combat? Slytherin in the Hufflepuff? Doing the monster mash? Verbing the adjective noun?”
I was genuinely laughing then, my cheeks strained from my smile. “That’s much better.”
“Okay. Just so we’re clear. You’re fucking Shane. Case closed. Take the day to get used to that fact. Girl to girl here, you need to get laid,” she said.
“I’m having a period of celibacy.”
“You’re having a dry spell,” she corrected. “Don’t try to fancy it up like it’s some religious shit. You haven’t had a good pickle tickle in too long and if you don’t get that taken care of soon, you know what’s going to happen. You won’t be able to stop thinking about sex. You’ll have wet dreams. And don’t try to tell me girls don’t get those. We totally do,” she said dismissively. “And then all that will be in your head all the time is sex. Sex sex sex. Which is good for your job until one day one of the doms get you on the phone and get all alpha badass sexy on you and you come just from him telling you to.” She paused. “It could happen.”
She didn’t need to tell me that. Just the idea of one of those doms, and maybe one of those doms being Shane, oh yeah, there was some definite pre-orgasm tightening going on.
Damn it.
“So maybe I will pick up a guy at a bar,” I mused. That was a safer bet in the long run.
“Drop into Chaz’s any night of the week and you’re sure to run into some Henchmen. I swear to all that is holy that this town has no ugly men. Those Henchmen though…”
“Henchmen?” I repeated, guts twisting a little.
“Local bike gang. Not,” she emphasized as I stiffened, “the weekend warrior variety. They’re one-percenters. Gun runners, actually. I have a feeling you’re into the bad boy types.”
“Just not bikers,” I clarified.
“Oh, well. Better it’s not one of them anyway. You go into Chaz’s and start flirting, it will only be a matter of minutes before that gets back to Shane and he comes in and shuts that shit down.”
“Oh my God,” I said, rolling my eyes. “You’re acting like we’re a pack of dogs. He can’t claim me.”
“Sure he can. You’ve met them, right? They will all band together and make sure your muffin doesn’t get any stuffin’ until you’re eighty.”
“Your euphemisms are ridiculous.”
“I have three children. I can’t be throwing fucks and sucks and orals and anals around all the time. I have to get inventive. Now it’s just habit. But yeah,” she went on, “I can pretty much guarantee you won’t be getting laid in this town. Like it or not, your lady cave will have cobwebs unless you let Shane in there.”
“Maybe I will just invest in a really good vibrator.”
“You don’t have a really good vibrator?” she asked, sounding appalled at the idea. “What are you doing the day after tomorrow? Whatever it is, cancel it. We’re hitting the sex store. Shenanigans will be had. Be ready at three. Okay byeeeee,” she said, rushing to hang up before I could object.
I hung up feeling lighter, a smile still on my face, full of the realization that I missed that. I missed friendships. I missed having people to talk to. Coming from the environment I had been in before, the isolation was taking its tole on me. I needed connection.