- Right now? Or ever?-- I haven't decided yet.- Aunt Freddie said she liked her too.-- Aunt Freddie shouldn't be talking to you about this kind of thing.- I'm not a little girl anymore.It never stopped feeling like a kick to the chest when she said that. And when I had to agree that she was right.
No, she wasn't a little girl anymore.
And I had to keep that in mind.-- I know, Jelly. I just don't think this is the time.- To date? Or to talk about it?-- Both. Either.- Fine. I'm going to bed.-- Goodnight, baby.I got no response. I didn't expect one. She was a go-with-the-flow kind of kid most of the time, but once in a blue moon, she could be a stubborn-ass as well. She wanted me to give Eva a shot. And while I would never even think about going into a relationship without running it by my kid, I also had to make sure where my head was at, where Eva's head was at, if this was just a casual flirtation, or something more, before I decided to bring my kid in on the matter. Doing it before then would only leave her disappointed, and me feeling guilty for making her feel that way.
Things needed to be right if I was finally going to date after all this time. Maybe especially so because I had chosen not to do so for so long. Jelly had never experienced anything like this, and might get it in her head that Eva was going to be a new mother figure to her before Eva and I knew where each other's head was at.
I didn't want to do that to Jelena. I know that, while she had always had a tight relationship with me, she'd always wanted a mother. Of course she did. All little girls did. Freddie coming back into our lives had helped fill that void, but I think we all knew it wasn't the same. She wanted someone right there in the house that she could turn to, rely on, confide in. While I wanted to always be that person for her, I understood that she was growing up, that some things weren't as comfortable for her to discuss with me anymore.
So I only wanted her in on the specifics of my relationship when I knew it was heading somewhere serious.
And it just wasn't the time for serious, I reminded myself as I heard bikes rumble in, the clomping footsteps of tired, defeated feet, knowing my brothers were coming back empty-handed again.
The hopelessness of the situation was thick in the air the next morning after all of us caught a couple stolen hours of restless sleep.
Coffee mugs were clutched in bloodied-knuckle hands, everyone staring off at nothing at all, eyes far away, all of us trying to figure out where he could have went, what could have happened to him, how the club would go on without him, what life would be like without our leader, our father figure, of sorts.
Ferryn was a restless presence in the club after Vance had dragged her back the night before, forcing her to get some rest. She paced the main room, her long, lean body tight with worry, her hands busted, her face busted, with a nasty trio of claw marks across her neck.
We didn't get to watch Ferryn grow into the woman she was today, but we'd seen her ruthlessness since she came back. She was always ready for a fight, always the fiercest person in a room. And that was saying something when she often shared rooms, with our ragtag group of various badasses.
I hadn't seen Fallon since we'd realized his father was gone.
Finn was in and out, seeming to spend time what little free time he could find with his distraught mother since her other two children were on missions to paint the entire fucking east coast red with blood in the search for their father.
It was later that afternoon, as most of the guys headed back out to try to question less and less likely culprits, that the Florida crew came back, looking even more busted-up than before, each accepting food and coffee and glasses of whiskey as they dropped down on the common room furniture, looking beat.
"If they had anything to say, trust me, they would have talked," Huck assured Cash, eyes dark with the demons of the past several hours, the torture they'd clearly inflicted on what turned out to be innocent people.
I couldn't help but wonder how many enemies we were creating in the search of our president, in what awful ways all of this might blowback on us in the future.
"Thanks for trying," Cash said, looking like he'd aged five years in as many days.
"What about those fucking idiots on the other side of town?" Huck asked.