I was still trying to wrap my head around it, around the way we had both been fucked over by powers bigger than us, more heartless than us.
Fifteen years, we were both led to believe terrible things. For nothing.
I knew now - without a shadow of a doubt - that had Roan known I had survived, that I was in a hospital all by myself, scared, in pain, that he would have been there. Even if it was against orders. Even if it meant he would lose his job, have to face consequences. He would have been there.
And maybe the truth could have come out then, back before the lie started to eat me alive. I'm not saying it wouldn't have hurt, that there wouldn't have been betrayal. But he would have been right there owning up to it, apologizing for it, making amends for it. Before it overtook me entirely.
How different life would have been if we had been given that opportunity.
But, then again, maybe life worked in strange, mysterious, but fateful ways.
Because had he known, had he been there, had we the opportunity to start again back then, I never would have become what I became. All the people I had found, had helped save, they would have likely stayed missing, been used by the traffickers, overdosed on the drugs that had overtaken everything.
I had saved lives.
I had helped families reunite.
I had made a difference.
So maybe this was how it was supposed to happen, even if I was still resentful at losing so much time with him, especially now that I got to have it again, remembered what there had once been between us, but also appreciating it through less rose-colored glasses, with more maturity.
He was a good man.
Maybe he hadn't always done great things, had been forced to follow orders he didn't agree with.
But he was, at his core, good.
Generous.
Sweet.
Attentive.
Accepting.
He didn't seem to compare me to the girl I had once been, expect me to behave and respond like her. Instead, he seemed intent to embrace who I had become, learn how I thought and spoke and acted now.
I never could have expected to find that in anyone, let alone in him.
But I was so incredibly grateful to have it.
I don't think I had realized just how miserable I was for the past fifteen years until a small sliver of happiness slipped in. A sliver he had put there.
"Yeah," he said, pulling me out of my thoughts as he sat down to untie his shoes at the desk. "If you are happy with the idea of staying in one place, I was thinking maybe you should talk to Lo."
"Lo, the lady who runs Hailstorm?" I asked, undoing my jeans, pulling them down my legs.
"Yeah. They do all kinds of things in all different fields. I think she would like to have someone with your experience - and talents - on her team. Even in just a contract capacity, so you don't have to work a lot."
"Why wouldn't I want to work a lot?" I asked, reaching to undo my bra from under my shirt, letting out a sigh of relief when it came out my sleeve. It wasn't a sexy move, I was sure, but relieved bra removal was part of life. He would get used to it.
"Because," he said, shooting my a sly smile as he suddenly shot up, grabbed my hips, threw me down on the bed, half covering my body with his. "I have a lot of plans for you."
"Naked plans?" I asked, smiling up at him.
"Mostly, yeah," he agreed, burying his head in my neck.
"Well, I can get behind that."
And I would talk to Lo.Roan - 2 weeks"Is there any other way you considered getting in?" Reign asked as I pulled Mack down on my lap, hearing that snorting laugh I had missed so much over the years as she landed.
"Well, I mean... you aren't super selective about who is allowed in when there are parties. Anyone with a short skirt and an eager smile is walked right in. I figured if the tunnel thing didn't work, it would get me in. Then I could find somewhere to hide out until everyone was asleep."
"I would happily volunteer to do pat downs of the ladies invited to parties," West offered, giving Mack one of his charming, boyish smiles that she promptly rolled her eyes at. "I mean... for security purposes, of course. Where were you planning on keeping your weapon?" he asked Mack, brows wiggling a little.
"He's still a prospect, right?" Mack asked, and I knew her well enough to know there was wickedness behind her eyes.
"He sure is."
West's face fell a little. Having sisters, he knew how much they could fuck with you if they wanted to.
"You know what I need you to go to the store and pick up?" she asked, smile devilish.