It was then that I felt a hand press down on my shoulder.
But not the hand of a grown-up.
A hand of someone who was about my size.
He pulled me slowly away from my yelling mom.
"You're a man now," he told me, pulling me along with him. "So we can't cry," he added, nodding his head reassuringly. "But don't worry. I have toys."
I didn't have a lot of toys.
I had an action figure man who was missing a leg, a T-rex, and a yo-yo that Mama Rita gave me for Christmas. And I didn't have any of those things now. At this strange place full of so many men.
That was what hit me first. I'd been around a lot of women in my life. My mom. Mama Rita, her friends that stopped over, my grandmother.
The only men I knew of were the revolving door of them my mother had over.
This place was mostly men.
There were three women around.
One, my mom.
Another, a lady in a short skirt that had slipped up to show her whole butt, sitting on the lap of a man in a corner, rocking up and down.
And a third was coming out of a room with two men, wiping her runny makeup out of her mouth and eyes.
But there were dozens of men. All of them were watching me and this boy who was leading me away from all of them and into a back room where there was a bed and a box piled with toys in a corner.
All I knew for the next few hours was this boy, Sean, his toys, and the sounds outside the room that got louder, scarier as the night went on.
I never saw my mom again.
It wasn't until both Sean and me had both fallen asleep on the floor by his toys that we finally had company.
Two men came into the room. One was the giant. The other was another giant.
"That's my dad," Sean told me proudly, straightening up, getting to his feet.
"So, you're with me, kid," the first giant told me, extending a hand toward me.
"It's okay," Sean told me, reaching down in his toy pile to find the Army man I had been playing with. "Here, you can take this with you," he told me. And, not having much of a choice, I followed the giant down a hallway, clutching the toy to my chest like he could protect me from whatever might come my way.
"Alright. So. Your mama left you here with me. I would give you my sympathy, but that woman was a fucking lunatic. Think you might be better off here in all honesty. Look at you," he added, waving a hand. "When's the last time you had a shower? And your clothes don't even fit right. Maybe if she wasn't so busy whoring around and blowing her money on who-knows-what, she could have gotten you some shit that doesn't look like it's cutting off circulation. Anyway, I'm Dwayne. Your mama says I'm your father, so I guess we are going with that. You do kinda have my eyes," he added, softening a little.
I didn't know what to say.
The concept of a father was as foreign to me as having a pile of toys like Sean. But maybe his father got him those. Maybe my father would get me some of my own.
And some food.
My belly was grumbling so loud.
"Gotta be honest with you, don't know a fucking thing about raising a kid. Barely got a chance to be one myself. So you're gonna have to grow up fast, little homie. Can't promise you all that soft shit women can give you. But at least you can have clothes that fit and some food. You're all fucking bones. And we can show you how to be a man. That's what I can give you. Sound good?"
Honestly, I didn't know.
All I knew was he would give me food.
And I needed food.
"Sounds good," I agreed.
That night, he got me a shower, borrowed clothes from Sean for me. Clean clothes that fit. And then he got me two giant pieces of cold pizza and a bottle of soda.
Then he dragged in a squeaky cot from a closet, unfolded it, put a pillow and extra blankets on it, turned on the TV to some old black and white TV show, then left me to, I figured, go talk to his friends.
Alone in a strange place, I had a full belly, new clothes, a comfortable bed, a toy on the mattress next to me, a TV, and, it seemed, a new friend.
And a father.
Things, I figured, could be a lot worse.
I wouldn't claim it was easy at first. All the men around me were loud, violent with one another, teasing toward me. But I had Dwayne. And Sean. And Sean's dad Phil.
Eventually, I got a whole drawer full of clothes that fit. I got a box of my own full of toys that were mine, though I shared them with Sean.