And as I packed up all the presents for my family, I couldn't help but think about what it would be like to have her with me there, to see her interact with my sisters - knowing how well she and Astrid got along - and bonding with my mother, trying not to get flustered with me when everyone demanded to know when we were going to get married or have babies.
"Alright, what's her name?" Mia - the oldest of my sisters, though she was only older than Zoe by a whopping three minutes, asked, coming up to my side with a mug of coquito for me, leaning against the wall beside me.
"What?"
"Oh, you might be able to fool Ana and Elisa and Leala, but Zoe and I know better," she told me, taking a sip of her drink.
"When'd you get so wise, huh?" I asked, unable to see her as anything other than a knotty-haired grade-schooler who used to paint my nails when I was sleeping then scream and cry when I took it off before I went to school.
"I know that look, Roderick. I felt it myself last year."
"That mother fucker didn't deserve you," I insisted, feeling a churning anger well up inside.
It was hard, at times, being the elder brother to five women steadily in dating age. All of who had inherited the beauty our mother had been known for when she was young. It wasn't my place to tell them not to date, to threaten the guys when they used to come around the house. Unless, of course, the fucks stepped out of line like when Zoe came home one night in high school telling us that her shithead boyfriend was grabbing at her even when she told him to stop. In that case, I went ahead and handled the situation. But, as a whole, I understood that I needed to respect their right to make their own decisions - even if I could see from a mile away that a guy was going nowhere fast - and simply be there for them if things eventually went downhill.
Which was what had needed to happen about six months before when Mia found out that the guy she'd been madly, stupidly, blindly in love with had knocked up some other chick while she was with him.
"No," she agreed, nodding. "He didn't. I see that now. But back then, I was enamored. And that is the look you have right now. I don't think our sisters have been quite that head-over yet - Zoe aside - so they can't see it like we do. So... what is her name?"
"Liv. Livianna."
"Pretty."
"She's gorgeous," I supplied, surprised how much I felt like I needed to talk about it. And, let's face it, it wasn't the kind of shit you wanted to talk about with your club brothers. It didn't matter that most of them have been where I was, they would still make me wish I had kept my mouth shut.
"And?"
"Interesting. And loyal. Smart..."
"Well, duh," Mia snorted, shaking her head. "I mean, she would have to be to catch your eye for more than a night, right? What else?"
"She's an arms dealer," I admitted, figuring there was no need for secrets. My sisters knew about my lifestyle, but weren't in it in any way themselves.
"No shit?" she asked, smiling. "Well, no wonder."
"What? Just because she's a criminal, we're meant to be?"
"Nah. It's more that she... can understand you, right? You can open up with her because she will get it, relate to it, won't judge you for it. That's the it factor all your other women have lacked. So..."
"So she stole from me," I admitted, chuckling a little when she choked on her drink. "And I went to track her down to get it back. I was there for a while. Things happened."
"And why is it over?"
"Reign told me it was time to come home. When I tried to talk to her about it, she just pushed me away, practically pushed me out the door."
"Trying to make it hurt less," Mia guessed, looking over to the pile of wrapping paper nearly dwarfing the tree itself. "I mean... if you like this woman. If you think you could maybe love her someday... then you owe it to yourself - and her - to try once more. If it's a no then, then it's a no. But now that she's had a few days to think it over, I say it's time to reach out. But that's just my two cents. Don't tell mom until you talk about it though. She'll start planning the wedding."
With that, she moved away, giving me something to think on.
Maybe there was still a chance for something more with her. Now that she'd gotten a few days to get her head straight, to miss me.