Christ, did I remember the nightmares. They were chronic. Not just every night. Multiple times each night. So frequent that, at times, I couldn't bring myself to go in for the fourth time, praying she wouldn't hate me for not being there every single time.
"Those days are hard to forget," I admitted.
"I remember you coming in, talking to me, just babbling about anything. Your childhood. The weather. What you were going to add to your grocery list, just talking and talking until I went to sleep. But there were times when it wasn't you at my bedside. It was Cam. Singing. I thought it was a dream. That voice. But it wasn't a dream, was it?"
"N-n-no," Cam said, shaking his head, face stricken.
Astrid's reaction was the same as mine, minus the tears. She flew at him, nearly knocking the two of them to the ground as she clung to him.
"It helped so much," she choked out, making me need to slow blink even more tears out of my eyes.
I didn't care about a single goddamn present I had ever gotten in my life.
This.
This was the only gift I needed.
Not thinking, just acting on impulse, I moved across the floor, wrapping my arms around both of them.
We stayed there like that, three not touchy-feely people - hanging on for dear life.
"Not that I don't love this," Astrid said, pulling away, taking a shaky breath. "But why now? Why tonight?"
I took a step back as well, waving a hand toward the box on the table.
Astrid moved over, looking in, head lifting slowly with a brilliant smile in Cam's direction.
"You sly fuck, you," she said, the words sounding like an accusation. "That's where you were all day yesterday."
He gave her a nod and a small smirk.
"I thought it would be me. I've been hunting like freaking crazy since he left and she fell into a black hole."
"I have not been in a black hole," I insisted, shaking my head.
"Oh, please," Astrid snorted. "You've been putting on a decently convincing act, I'll give you that. But your eyes are hollow. I wanted those dimples back, man."
"This was... that is so sweet of both of you, but just because I have the gun, doesn't mean anything is going to change."
"The gun is an excuse to go visit Navesink Bank. Go drop in. Say it bothers you to have anything hanging over your head like this. That you're just settling your debts. And if something comes from that, okay. If not, at least you know."
"He left, Astrid," I reasoned.
"Yeah, and you practically pushed him out the door," she told me, snorting. "Maybe if you saw each other again, you could hash it out. Or maybe you will show up to find he is not interested at all. But at least there is some closure there. And you will have squared up with Reign. He sounds like he took this well, but it's always good to have all the contacts you can. He'd be a good one in the future. It is an all-around smart thing to do. So... you're going to do it. Case closed. I'll go pack you a bag. Cam will go get the car out of the garage."
"I'm not going anywhere tonight," I told them.
"Why not?" she asked.
"It's Christmas!" I insisted, snorting.
"Oh, please. Christmas is over."
"It's late. I haven't slept."
"And you wouldn't sleep if you stayed here anyway. You know I'm right. you'd just lay there until the sun comes up anyway. Might as well get a move on."
"Astrid, be reasona..."
"G-g-go," Camden insisted, voice firm the way I imagined it when he gave me the stern stare every now and again.
"There. It's settled. You go take a shower. I will pack your bag. Hop to!"
When I didn't immediately move to comply, Astrid physically pushed me down the hall, proving that her martial arts classes were giving her some serious upper body strength.
"Liv," she said, voice more serious than usual as she pushed me into the bathroom. "You have done a great job of taking care of everyone else, always putting things you want second. And I am thankful for that. We both know I wouldn't be as halfway to normal as I am now if it wasn't for all the sacrifices you have made. And that Cam would never have grown comfortable enough to get to the point that he could let us know he has a lisp. And we love you for all you've done. But we're okay now. It's time for you to go after what you want. And you want Roderick. Whether you want to admit that yet or not. So... at least try."
I paused for a moment, taking a deep breath.
She was right.
I wanted Roderick.
And I did want the debt off my back.
And I would like to know things for sure, no matter which way it might go.