Leaving the food up to me.
Which, for a woman such as her, one so accustomed to taking care of every aspect of her life down to the smallest of details, yeah, I thought that was a step in the right direction, her asking something of me. Even if all it was was to feed her.
"Adler?" she asked sometime later, after watching an unhealthy number of episodes of Buffy.
"Yeah?"
"Why are you here?" she asked, then folded up quickly, shooting me an uncertain look. "I didn't mean that the way it came out."
"What way did ya mean it, duchess?" I asked, reaching out to tuck her wild hair behind her ear.
"I mean... why? Why did you decide to engage me, continue to try to get to know me? Why? I'm not an easy person, Adler."
"Ya are kinda insulting me by implyin' I like easy people."
"Oh, please. I'm sure you are all over the easy women you can find."
"It's different."
"Why is it different? How is it different?"
"I dunno, Lou. Guess ya are different."
"I'm going to need more than that."
"I wish I had answers for ya. The kind ya want. There's just something about ya, duchess. I can't put my finger on it. But it's there. It hooked me, reeled me in. Despite how much ya fight me on it."
"You barely know me."
"I know a lot more than ya think. What don't I know? I know yer schedule, yer likes and dislikes, yer inhuman food cravings, yer determination, yer snark..."
"You don't know everything." Her voice was low, hesitant.
"Not yet," I agreed, reaching out to cup her knee, squeezing it. "Can't claim I am a patient man, Lou, but I get that some shite takes time to dig up and uncover. Some wounds hurt like a motherfucker when you try to rip them open to share them with someone else. I get it. I know that ain't gonna happen tomorrow or the next day. But I will wait for it. I want to know everything."
"But... why? You said yourself, you are a casual guy. Putting in time with me isn't casual."
"Why haven't ya fucked me yet, Lou?" I asked, making her head snap up.
"What?"
"Ya aren't the kind of woman to overanalyze sex. Ya take it when ya want it. And ya want it with me. But ya fight it. Why?" Her mouth opened then clamped shut, her shoulders hunching up a bit. "Exactly. Ya don't get that any more than I get why I want to give ya time. There's just something goin' on here. It's new, and neither of us know how to handle it. We're wingin' it."
"What do you want from me?"
"Not asking for more than ya can give me, Lou. I get that it is gonna be like pullin' teeth at first. But I got a good grip."
Her gaze dipped to her sock-clad feet peeking out of the blanket. "That sounds very one-sided."
"Ya want parts of me, duchess, ya can have 'em."
"And what if I want all of you?"
My stomach dropped at the very idea, a familiar heaviness settling down on my chest.
Because no one got everything.
No one even got a large piece of the puzzle.
There were people who knew bits.
People like Ward who'd been down in the muck with me.
But the before and the after?
No one knew those parts.
The parts that created the kid who could shoot his friend then kill the man who had imprisoned them, the parts that led me to a life of shameless killing, fucking, and wilding out.
Sharing all that was something that made me harden inside, something that brought up some intrinsic, animalistic drive to protect myself.
So it said something that I fought it back, I refused to hide, I opened my mouth and spoke.
"I will give ya what ya want from me too, Lou. Including multiple orgasms," I added, wanting to lighten up the mood.
She snorted at that, rolling her eyes, then shaking her head. "We aren't fucking for the next couple of days."
"Get that. But I think we already established that I want more than fucking from ya. I mean, I want the fucking too. Lots of it. On every surface of this apartment. In yer car. In the glass room at the compound..."
"The glass room at the compound?" she asked, eyes twinkling.
"It's a bucket list item," I admitted, shrugging, knowing most of the guys who were shacked up with a girl had tried that room out, finding myself a bit jealous of that experience.
"I'm not above a little risqué, semi-public sex," she agreed.
"Ya got any sex goals?"
"Sex goals," she mused, pursing her lips slightly.
"Come on. Tell me," I demanded, sensing hesitation.
"It's a bit out there."
"Out there can be fun."
"Alright, fine. I want to be a skip."
"A skip? Like the guys you chase? Ah," I said, getting it. "Ya want to get a head-start, then get chased and fucked."