“I’m sorry,” she whispered again as she stared at his back. As much as she was sure she’d made the only decision she could, this never should have gone this far. He reached a part of her no one ever had.
“I, I need a second.”
“I feel really, really stupid right now,” Hannah said, drawing her knees up to her chest and wishing the couch would swallow her whole. She wrapped her arms more tightly around herself, wishing she’d found her shirt. Jackson leaned down and picked up his shirt, then gently drew it over her head. She pulled her arms through, inhaling his scent, feeling the soft cotton envelop her like a blanket. The firelight cast a warm hue over his muscular physique, making him appear more powerful, more beautiful than she ever thought a man could be.
“You’re okay?”
Hannah nodded, unable to speak past the cowardly lump in her throat. Explain to him why. Tell him you want nothing more than to let go of the past and spend tonight in his arms…tell him you want him to be the first man to touch you and hold you and love you. Hannah stared at Jackson, her thoughts screaming through her mind, but nothing came out of her mouth. Jackson’s jaw clenched, almost as though he sensed her battle. But still she couldn’t open her mouth.
“Goodnight then,” he said and turned away slowly. He gave her more than enough time to call after him. More than enough time to admit she made a mistake.
…
Jackson stared at the ceiling. It had been an hour since he left Hannah in the living room. Right now he felt more like punching his fist through the window and braving the storm outside than trying figure out the woman across the hall from him. He was mad at himself for even giving in and allowing himself to touch her and kiss her. In just a few hours he’d gone from shaking with rage at her high-handed speech, to the humbling realization that she was correct, to gut-wrenching fear that she was lost in a blizzard, to inexplicable gratitude and relief when he found her, to the height of a desire that he’d never felt with anyone, to being completely left out in the cold. He’d thought there was some kind of connection that they were sharing more than a physical encounter. And then she’d ended it.
Jackson rubbed his eyes with the back of his palm. Sleep would be a futile endeavor tonight. A part of him wanted to ask her what was wrong. When they were in the kitchen she’d whispered that she knew what it was like to be alone, that she had always been alone. Why? Where was her family? He played back all of their conversations in his head and he couldn’t remember one in which Hannah mentioned her family.
And then there was Emily, and the royal putdown he’d received when he told Hannah his plan. He could smile about it now. She was right. How could he willingly let his niece live in foster care when he was more than able to provide her with a home?
His thoughts ran back to their argument before he stormed out of the house. He remembered the exact look in her eyes, the anger in her face as she yelled at him. Jackson sat up in bed as the realization that Hannah had spoken about herself dawned on him. It all made sense. Her fear of him. Her career choice. And tonight’s sudden withdrawal. He didn’t know the details but his gut told him he was right, and for once he wished he wasn’t. The urge to track down everyone who’d ever hurt her gripped him. He wanted to protect her. And he hadn’t felt the need to protect anyone in a long, long time.
He was going to go face his past and future. He was going to try and reclaim a little of the person he had been when his mother was alive. He was going to be the uncle Emily needed him to be.
But he wasn’t going to do it without Hannah.
Chapter Eight
Hannah hadn’t felt this low in a long, long time. It was just like when she was a child, when she thought there was someone to save her, there would be a complication to ruin it, and it broke her heart to see the same happen to Emily.
She zipped up her bag as quietly as she could, not wanting to wake the baby yet. She’d get the car loaded up and then come back in for Emily. The less time either of them had to spend with Jackson this morning, the better. She had failed Em and she had failed Louise. Her instincts had been wrong about Jackson. She’d let her attraction for him cloud her judgment—she had never made so many mistakes at once.
Hannah walked down the hall, patting Charlie when he trotted over to her. She didn’t want to see Jackson. She had no idea how she could look him in the eyes and be able to hide her disappointment. She wouldn’t cry when he said goodbye to his niece today, to her. She’d wait until she was in the car, safely away from the cabin.
She walked into the great room, her heart and feet stopping. Jackson was standing next to the unlit hearth, his eyes on hers, his lips set in a narrow line. Her eyes went from his handsome face to the bag beside his feet. She stared at him, not daring to ask what she hoped more than anything in the world.
“I’m going to adopt her.” His voice broke the silence in the room. His eyes held hers and everything inside her went still. She bit her lip, trying desperately to hold on to her emotions. She didn’t want to believe, couldn’t. His image turned blurry. Those were the words she’d prayed for as a child in foster care. They were the words that would have saved her. She had spared Emily and kept her promise to Louise. Relief and gratitude tore through her. Her bag slipped off her shoulder, falling to the ground with a thud. She tried desperately to find some air, but her breath came in shallow gasps…
Her chin fell to her chest, and she placed her hands over her eyes. Seconds later Jackson was there, with the tenderness he’d shown her last night, and gently moved her hands and folded her into his arms.
“I have absolutely no idea what I’m doing,” he whispered against her hair.
“You don’t have to,” Hannah said, her face against his chest, the warmth she felt from Jackson so addictive.
“I hope you know what you’re doing.”
She nodded firmly. “I’ll be there every step of the way during the adoption process. I’ll help you in any way I can.”
“I have your word?” he asked, leaning back to look at her, an odd light flickering across his eyes.
She’d do anything for Emily. “I promise. I’ll do whatever it takes,” Hannah said, smiling up at him.
…
Hannah opened the door to the dingy, stuffy government office that had been her second home for the last five years. She had only been gone five days and yet she felt as though it had been months. She felt more confident, more determined…but more vulnerable. Her facade was cracking. She was letting people in.
But she had done it. She had convinced Jackson. He was in Hope’s Crossing, ready to start the paperwork. Nothing could have prepared her for the moment he told her he was going to adopt Emily. She didn’t know what prompted his change of heart and at that moment she didn’t need to know.
They had dropped Emily off at Mrs. Ford’s, who was ecstatic to hear that Jackson was going to adopt his niece. Hannah had asked Jackson to wait for her in the car while she dealt with work. The last thing she wanted was him witnessing what was sure to be a major reprimanding from Jean. First Hannah needed to get the situation under control and then she could invite Jackson in to get started on the paperwork.
“Welcome back,” Hannah whispered under her breath as she stepped inside. Old metal desks, the kind that must have still been ugly when they were new in the sixties, the stale smell of old office building combined with burned coffee reminded Hannah that she really hadn’t been away all that long. The small blinking Christmas tree in the front window, sadder than Charlie Brown’s, hummed along with the rest of the electrical equipment that hadn’t been updated.
Hannah made eye contact with Allison, who was on the phone. Her friend’s eyes looked like they were ready to pop out of her pretty face as Hannah walked in. Allison pretended to slice her neck with her finger as Hannah approached, clearly warning her that Jean was royally ticked.
“Hannah. Nice of you to show up.” Jean’s thin face was pinched and her narrow eyes even beadier than usual as she marched towards Hannah. Nothing like a little office drama to lighten up the mood at the social services department. Hannah thought she looked more and more like the wicked witch from the Wizard of Oz, except dressed for the twenty-first century, kind of.
“Hi, Jean,” Hannah called out in her most chipper voice, smiling. Hannah refused to let her nerves take over. This was a victory, no matter what. No one was going to ruin this for her.
Jean came to an abrupt halt in front of her, steaming coffee in hand. The mug boasted the caption World’s Best Boss in faded letters, and Hannah and Allison always joked that Jean had probably bought the cup for herself.
“Hannah, there’s a box on your desk filled with all of your belongings. Take it, get out.”
Hannah ignored her. “I found Emily’s uncle. He’s here. He’s going to adopt her.” Hannah felt her stomach begin to churn when Jean didn’t react to her news. Jean stared at her like a dead fish.