“Do your brothers know? Does your mother?”
“No,” she answered softly. “I haven’t told them. I’m not sure if my mother knew, but I’m sure she heard the rumors. My father was caught crawling into my bed by one of the staff one night, and the activity got circulated around. A lot of people started to whisper about it, but like cowards, they never confronted him because he was a billionaire. He was almost untouchable. I never knew that people suspected until I was older. I thought it was my fault. That I’d done something to deserve it. I never told anyone because I didn’t know if they’d even believe me.”
“Fuck that shit about people knowing but not saying a word about it,” I cursed. “That’s why you dragged Penny away, right? Not to say that you wouldn’t have done that anyway, but she reminded you of yourself?”
“Yes,” she agreed softly. “I didn’t want another kid to go through what I did. Just like me, I don’t think she really understood that she was being abused until she was outside of that small world. Maybe I felt a little bit better about my circumstances by helping her, too. I’d finally stood up to fight against what happened to me, even though it was too late for me. But Penny knows, and she understands Nolan’s actions for exactly what they were. She had me to talk to, and she didn’t suppress it. Penny is the only person in my life who knows. I wanted her to know that I’d always be there to support her because it had happened to me, too.”
I buried my face in her hair and breathed her in, wishing like hell I could understand why anybody could have hurt Riley as a child. But I couldn’t. “You’re so damn brave, baby. So incredibly brave. There shouldn’t be any shame about what happened to you. You were all alone. You didn’t have anybody to rescue you like Penny had you to help her. I get why you didn’t tell your mother. I doubt she would have been sympathetic.”
“She would have probably called me a liar,” she answered. “She never loved my father. She just wanted his money. She didn’t grow up rich. So status and money were things she would have hung on to at any cost.”
“Your father was in a position of trust. He violated that. I’m actually glad he’s dead, or I would have wanted to kill him, too, maybe before I offed Nolan.”
I heard a small laugh come out of Riley’s mouth, and it was the sweetest sound I’d ever heard.
No wonder she didn’t laugh much.
I was going to change that.
“Are you always going to want to commit murder if anybody hurts me?”
“Yep,” I said honestly. I wasn’t going to lie. “I have a protective streak miles wide when it comes to you, sweetheart. Probably always will.”
“I always wanted to feel safe, but I never did,” she explained. “It feels really good to have somebody watching my back, but you can’t protect me forever. I’ve pretty much learned to stand on my own two feet.”
“You can be independent but still have somebody who wants to keep you safe, baby.”
“Maybe you’re right,” she said. “I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to you.”
“Ditto,” I said hoarsely, the dull pain in my gut becoming more acute because she sounded like she was willing to take me on in the future.
“I’m sorry to dump this on you, but you needed to know the whole truth if we want to take this relationship any further. I have . . . limitations. I’m not exactly a great lover. You had to know that,” she said hesitantly.
Obviously, Riley’s father had forced her to put her mouth on him, which was why she couldn’t stand to give a man oral sex. Like I gave a damn? For Riley, I’d probably become celibate if it meant she felt safe.
“Riley, you’re the most incredibly responsive, sexy woman I’ve ever met. The ball is in your court now. Nothing happens unless you really want it. And I’d never encourage you to do something you weren’t comfortable doing,” I said sincerely.
I didn’t just want Riley’s body. I wanted her. If I couldn’t have all of this woman, I’d damn well wait until I could. I knew it would be worth it.
If I had to keep getting myself off, so be it.
“Are you really willing to be that patient?” she asked, sounding surprised.
“What do I have to do to make you understand that all I want is you, sweetheart? I have since the day we met. I’d rather be here like this with you than to be fucking any other woman.” When I eventually took Riley, and I knew I would, she was going to be just as eager as I was.
Honestly, even if I wanted it—which I sure as hell didn’t—I wasn’t certain I was even capable of being with any female except Riley.
“My counselor said I’m ready, but I’m kind of afraid. What if I end up not being the woman you want, Seth?”
It killed me to hear her talking like that. “Don’t, Riley. You’re the gutsiest woman I know. All you need to do is realize that’s what I see, and always will. You are the woman I want. No fear, okay? We’ll figure this whole thing out together.”
“Okay,” she conceded. “Just don’t say I didn’t warn you.”
I chuckled. “Duly warned, but not the least bit afraid of diving into this relationship wholeheartedly anyway.”
“You’re just a little bit crazy, you know,” she answered. “I have issues.”
“We all have issues, sweetheart. Why do you think I wanted to tear down that dock on that beach lot and build a superstructure? Things that happen to us when we’re children can fuck up our whole life.”
I understood her better than she would ever know. Even though my early childhood had been nothing like hers because I’d always had my mother, I got that a person could carry bad memories around for a lifetime.
However, I was determined to help Riley get beyond the childhood trauma she’d endured. Maybe it would always be there in the back of her mind, but I damn well wasn’t letting it interfere with her happiness now.
She pulled back a little, and it felt like a swift kick in the gut when I looked at her swollen eyes. “Don’t let those things hurt you anymore, Seth. Don’t. None of the stuff with your biological father was your fault, either. He should have been there for you, but he was a dick. You weren’t unlovable. He was the one unable to love because he was a narcissist. He couldn’t love anyone.”
It ripped at my heart that Riley was trying to console me, even though she was the one who really needed to be heard and understood.
I gently stroked back a lock of hair that was hanging in her face. “I wouldn’t tear down that dock now even if I could. I have a fond memory of you there, now. I know that my father wasn’t capable of caring about any of us. I guess it was just some residual childhood anger that was driving me. No way am I going to let him ruin my future. I think making new memories that outweigh the bad ones for me did help. Shit will always pop up from time to time, but it never lasts that long.”
“I wish I could say the same thing,” Riley said wistfully.
“Be patient,” I suggested. “You’ll get there. Go easy on yourself.”
She nodded slowly. “I’m trying. I’ve come a long way in two years.”