I trembled when I held the phone in my hand, suddenly overcome with nerves. My finger paused over the screen, and instead of answering, I stared at the numbers. What if it wasn’t a good idea to talk to her? With only two months to go until my wedding, what if talking to her only increased my nerves?
It wasn’t her fault, but she’d become the Damocles sword over my head, the unattainable precedent, an unwilling and yet victorious rival for not only Danilo’s but also my family’s attention.
It’s not her fault.
And yet somehow, I couldn’t stop feeling that it was. If she hadn’t run away with the enemy, our parents and Samuel wouldn’t be as heartbroken. But if she were still here, Danilo would have an even harder time getting over her. It was a paradox.
Not her fault.
The screen turned black, and I released a sigh, but then a wave of guilt washed over me. Still, I couldn’t bring myself to call her back. I’d asked Samuel to give her my number. I wanted the contact, so why couldn’t I go through with it? Had she ever asked for my number? Had she tried to reach out to me?
I stood and headed over to my vanity, where I sank down on the small pouf and stared at my reflection. Even if my hair wasn’t blonde anymore, my resemblance to Fina was unmistakable. Suddenly, I didn’t want this anymore. I wanted to be different. As long as I looked like Fina, but not quite, people would keep comparing us.
My phone rang again, and my stomach clenched with dread and guilt.
Shaking off my irrational feelings, I finally answered. “Hey,” I said, trying to sound casual, but my voice came out shaky and hoarse.
“Sofia,” Fina said, relieved. “I’m so happy to hear your voice. I was scared you changed your mind and didn’t want to talk to me.
A new wave of guilt raced through me. “I was in the shower,” I lied easily. “Of course, I want to talk to you. That’s why I asked Samuel to give you my number.”
“I couldn’t believe it when he told me. I haven’t heard from him in forever, and then he calls and even allows me to talk to you. I’m over the moon.”
She sounded so happy, and not at all like someone new, someone different because she was part of the Camorra. “Allowed? Didn’t Samuel allow you to contact me before?”
She sighed. “I’ve been asking him to let me talk to you so often over the years, but eventually I gave up. Maybe I shouldn’t have.”
“He can be stubborn.”
“Oh yes.”
We laughed, and for that instant, it felt like time and distance didn’t matter, as if we hadn’t been separated for years.
“How are you?” Fina asked, that motherly worried tone she’d developed since giving birth to the twins ringing in her voice.
That was such a loaded question. There was so much to say after all the years of separation, but so much of it was linked to bad memories or feelings, and I didn’t want those to taint our first call.
“I’m fine. Pretty busy with last-minute preparations.” I didn’t really want to talk about the wedding with Fina but not talking about it would suggest I was troubled and that would raise Fina’s suspicions. Did she even know about the wedding, though?
“You’re marrying Danilo this summer.”
“In June,” I said.
“I can’t believe you’re already of age and ready to be married.”
“I’m not a girl anymore.”
Fina was quiet for a moment. “I wish I could be there and see you in your wedding dress,” she said wistfully.
For years, that had been my biggest wish as well. Now I was glad she wouldn’t be present. All eyes would be only on her, even Danilo’s, and I just couldn’t bear that on my wedding day.
“I’ll send you photos once I get them.”
“Yes, please do. I bet you’re going to be an absolutely stunning bride.”
“I love my dress,” I said softly.
“I’m sure Danilo won’t be able to take his eyes off you.”
I considered talking about my troubles with Danilo with her, but then I couldn’t bring myself to do it. After all, she was the root of the problem, even if she didn’t mean to be. It hit too close to home. I wondered if she’d read a few of the articles detailing Danilo’s nightlife activities over the years. Fina was clever. She must have realized this was all because of her, the never-ending number of blonde conquests.
“I hope so.”
“Has something happened? Something with Danilo?” Serafina always had a way of knowing when something was bothering me or Samuel.
I bit my lip. On the one hand, I wanted to ask Fina for advice. Usually Anna was my go-to girl for advice, but in this case, she wasn’t that helpful. “Nothing happened. I’m just a bit nervous.”