“But I want to hear all about her from you. I just think we need to take this slow. I don’t really know the first thing about children, and we’re still figuring our own relationship out.”
I felt his body stiffen. “I’ve already figured our relationship out.”
“I didn’t mean…”
“It’s fine. I understand, Soraya.”
***
Dear Ida,
My boyfriend and I have been together for a little over four months. I love him, and he has told me he loves me, too. My concern is he doesn’t make me feel special, wanted, or desired. He’s never anxious to see me, and I often need to initiate sexual activity. I’ve attempted to speak to him about this, but it hasn’t changed things. Am I being foolish for needing to feel wanted?
-Krista, Jersey City
I kept sorting through the daily mail, putting aside the ones that I thought had potential.
Dear Ida,
My boyfriend, Brad, and I moved in together six months ago. One week after we signed the lease, he lost his job….
Dear Ida,
My husband seems to have lost his sexual desire…
Dear Ida,
I’m dating a man who is thoughtful and caring. The problem is he’s a slob and…
Dear Ida,
I fear I let the love of my life slip through my fingers a few years back. Everyone that I meet pales…
By the time I was done, I wanted to bang my head on the desk. I’d already felt like shit about the way Graham and I left off this morning. Reading about all these relationship problems made me realize how unappreciative I truly was. Here Graham was coming all the way out to Brooklyn to pick me up, putting everything out there by telling me how much he missed me (not to mention delivering a pretty damn spectacular early morning orgasm while taking no physical pleasure for himself), and what did I do? Make him feel like shit. Nice job, Soraya.
The thing was, I wanted him more than I even knew it was possible to want another human being. And that thought scared the living hell out of me. Even more so now that there was a child involved. I sat back in my seat and tried to imagine my life without Graham. It didn’t take long to realize I was screwed. Because I no longer could. It also made me realize I was being one hell of a shitty girlfriend.
Taking a deep breath, I reached for my phone.
Soraya: I’m sorry about this morning. I do want to meet Chloe.
The little dots began jumping immediately. I wondered if he was having trouble concentrating because of the way we left things, too.
Graham: Are you sure?
Soraya: She’s an extension of you, and I want to know all of you.
My phone sat quiet for a few minutes, and I waited impatiently for a response.
Graham: Thank you, Soraya.
Soraya: No. Thank you.
Graham: For this morning?
Soraya: For being the man you are.
I was relatively calm again after that. At least for two more days. Until Saturday when we were on our way to lunch to meet Genevieve and Chloe.
***
“YOU TOLD GENEVIEVE I was coming, right?”
“Yes.”
“And she didn’t object.”
Graham’s jaw flexed, and he didn’t say anything. Then again, he didn’t need to.
“She doesn’t want me here,” I sighed.
“It doesn’t matter what she wants.”
“Of course it does. She’s Chloe’s mother.”
We were riding in the back of Graham’s car, traffic was very light, and we were more than a half hour early for lunch. My nerves were already on edge and this new little piece of information—knowing Genevieve had voiced she didn’t want me there—made my head pound.
“If she had a legitimate concern for the welfare of Chloe, I would have agreed to put off introducing you. But she didn’t, and it’s important to me.” He reached for my hand and squeezed.
“What was her concern then?”
Again, that telling muscle in his jaw flexed. “It’s not important.”
Even though I wanted to know, I left it be. Mostly because we pulled up on 3rd Avenue and Louis interrupted. “60th is closed. Got some kind of a crane in the street, so they have the entire thing blocked off.”
“That’s fine. We’ll get out here,” Graham responded.
After exiting the car, he checked his watch before extending his hand to help me out of the back and didn’t let go after shutting the door behind me. “Do you want to go to the restaurant early?”
“It’s nice out. Why don’t we take a walk around the block?” I figured sitting and waiting would be way more stressful than taking a walk on a beautiful day.