I knew what I’d see the moment that I turned the corner, but my mind didn’t do the view that greeted me justice.
There was a fuckin’ spotlight on the bathroom, mainly shining straight down on the shower.
With everything else dark in the suite but that, I could see damn near everything.
I could see the soap suds that she was using sluicing down the length of her body. The way her short hair stuck to her neck as the water hit it. The way her thighs were slightly parted as she worked the soap between her legs and down her shapely thighs.
I groaned under my breath, my eyes closing momentarily as I tried to regain control.
It was useless. When it came to Delanie Davidsdottir, I didn’t have any. Not at all.
Which was why, instead of acting on my instincts which were urging me to get into the shower with her, I instead walked to the bed. Once there, I stripped out of my smelly bar clothes, plugged my phone into the charger that they had built into the lamp beside the bed, and sat on it while I waited.
And thought.
I was kidding myself.
I was doing something that I never should’ve done…yet I’d still done it.
I’d already crossed the line, and there would be no going back.
Not anymore.
I had to find a way to fix this. I had to make this right.
And… I had to have her.
I couldn’t do this without taking that step.
I’d always regretted the few times that I’d not done something.
Like going into the military.
I’d wanted that, badly.
But when Booth and I had signed up to go, I’d broken my foot. Severely. And to this day, I still had problems with it.
But, when Booth had first seen Asa, he’d shouldered me with a request. One that I could never deny my twin brother. To forgo going into the military so that I could be here for Asa and Delanie if they ever needed anything.
And I had.
But I’d always felt like something was missing.
Though I’d been here for Asa, I’d always been on the outside, because I knew that one day, Booth would be home. And he’d resent me if I had a better relationship with Asa than he did.
So, though I’d been there, I hadn’t been there.
It was a fine line to walk, and one that I was rather proud of when Booth finally made it home.
I was the doting, cool uncle. And nothing else.
I’d waited to join the SWAT team until Booth could do it with me.
Which had given me five years to go to school and get a degree that I was never going to utilize—another regret, because I really did love emergency medicine. I loved the adrenaline of helping save someone’s life in the field.
Then there was the one thing that I’d been denying myself that I should’ve never ignored.
Delanie.
I’d thought that she was something off limits.
That, because Booth had a child with her, I should always stay away.
Except… I was tired of thinking about Booth.
Everything always centered around Booth, and it was time to allow things to center around me.
I heard the shower turn off, and I laid myself back against the bed, swinging my feet up and onto the plush down comforter that covered the top of the bed.
I heard the swish of fabric as I stared up at the canopy of stars through the gauzy curtains that covered the bed and wondered if this was what hell felt like.
Having feelings for someone that you knew you should stay away from.
But then I got to questioning… why should I stay away from her?
For Asa? He wouldn’t care that his mom and I were together.
For Delanie? What was it helping her that I was staying away? Honestly, it was only hurting her—at least, that’s what I could feel rolling off of her each time I pushed her away.
For Dillan? For Booth? The time to make other people happy was over. It was time to make me happy.
Wasn’t it?
The bed dipped as Delanie eased onto it, and I couldn’t stop myself from looking in her direction.
Her hair was wet, and her face was lit up by her phone. She was smiling as she quickly typed something into her phone.
“Who was that?” I couldn’t stop myself from asking.
Though we were in the bed together, it felt like we were a thousand miles apart, and I didn’t like the feeling. Not at all.
“Dillan,” she replied softly. “She showed me a picture of her, Booth, and Asa.”
I swallowed hard, not bothering to ask to see the photo.
I could picture it in my mind.
Booth had done a lot of smiling lately since he’d finally gotten his head out of his ass when it came to Dillan.
Me? Not so much.
And that was going to change. Starting now.
“I never thought that you slept with Booth on purpose,” I found myself saying into the darkness.