She landed another hit against my stomach.
“Stop it!” she gasped.
I looked at her.
“Stop letting me win. I want you to fight me. Stop holding back.” She tried to punch me again. This time I blocked her with my fist, not my elbow which would have hurt her.
“If I don’t hold back, I’d seriously injure you.”
Anger flickered in her eyes. It didn’t make sense.
“I’m not helpless! Not helpless!”
Her punches were unfocused, fueled by her overflowing emotions, and I blocked each of them. “I didn’t say you were,” I said calmly, but that only seemed to enrage her further.
“But you treat me like I am! Stop it! Just stop it!” She was screaming now.
I wasn’t sure what to do about her unreasonable behavior. She began pummeling my raised fists again. “Hit me back, so I can fight.”
“Kiara,” I tried again.
She didn’t stop. “Not helpless. Not helpless…”
I couldn’t hit her, so I allowed her to hammer against my chest until she only leaned against my skin, letting out a sob. She sank to the floor and I knelt down as well, and quickly took off the gloves then pulled her on my lap, holding her tightly.
“I am feeling so powerless, helpless. I just want a baby.”
“I know,” I murmured against her hair.
“I hate feeling helpless again. Like everything is out of my control … I thought it would never be like that again. I hate it. I hate it so much. And you know what’s the worst? That I wonder if the rape did something to my body, something that stops me from getting pregnant.” She sucked in a choked breath. “Durant would have loved that. I can practically see his triumphant smile, knowing that even in death he still ruins my life.”
I pulled back and nudged her chin up until her teary eyes met mine. “Kiara, stop. Durant suffered. He suffered for what he did. He paid for what he did, and even if it’ll never be enough in comparison to what he did to you, in the end he was a broken man. But you, Kiara, you aren’t broken. You’ll have a wonderful life and you’ll get your wish. Trust me, one day you’ll have your baby. Don’t pressure yourself. You’re still young. We have time.”
She gave me a wet kiss. “But I don’t want to wait.”
I stroked her cheek, wiping away a few tears. “We’ll make a doctor’s appointment. Okay? We’ll figure it out and then we find a solution.”
“Okay,” she whispered.
CHAPTER 21
NINO
One week had passed since we’d found out that one of Kiara’s fallopian tubes was blocked. It could be a result of the rape, of an untreated sexually transmitted disease. I had always only used condoms with the women I’d been with in the past and done a test before I’d started having sex with Kiara.
After the initial shock, Kiara seemed to be doing well, having returned to being the caretaker of the household. I leaned in the doorway and watched her cooking up a batch of toddler banana cookies without sugar that Serafina had approved.
She froze with a cookie against her mouth when she spotted me. With a smile, she took a bite then headed over to me and held up the cookie. I took a bite despite my dislike of all things sweet.
“What do you think?”
“Not bad.”
Kiara pursed her lips. “They aren’t very sweet. Bananas are the only sweetener I used.”
“I’m sure Serafina will appreciate the effort.”
Kiara took another bit then shrugged. “I like them.”
I gently grabbed her wrist causing her to give me an exasperated look. “Nino, I’m fine, honestly. It was hard at first, knowing that it’s my fault.”
“It’s not your fault,” I growled.
“That the cause lies in my body,” she corrected. “But it could have been worse. It’s only one blocked tube. It could have been both or something else that would have made conceiving naturally impossible, but as it is, it still might work out without any additional help.”
“If we give it time,” I told her.
“Yes, and I’m trying to be patient. I’m on a good way, and maybe it’ll work out in a few months or years, and if not …”
“It will work out.”
She nodded. “I’m just relieved that we finally know what it is. The not knowing was worse than the diagnosis.”
I brought her wrist up to my mouth and pressed a kiss to her pulse point.
“You know, I was thinking of getting a tattoo there. Your name.”
I froze with my lips against her soft skin, my gaze meeting her kind eyes. “It’s a very tender place, very painful.”
“It’s okay. I know you’ll be careful.”
“I don’t want to cause you pain. I won’t.”
“Then let your tattoo artist do it, the one who did parts of your back.”
“No,” I said firmly. “I won’t allow anyone to lay hand on you, to cause you pain. I would have to kill him.”