“Oh,” Mr. Pomeroy replied. “I should not be keeping you then. Shall I leave you to your rest?”
A thought flashed through her mind that Mr. Grant would not be so indecisive; instead, he would act without hesitation. She wondered at the lack of betrayal she felt at that thought; Mr. Pomeroy was best suited for her and here she was, comparing him to another man and finding him lacking.
She forced a smile. “No, please stay,” she said. “I am fine, truly.”
The vicar settled back down in his chair, his eyes questioning her. “If you are certain.”
Why did his solicitousness grate on her all of the sudden? Wasn’t it a sign that he cared for and respected her? She doubted that Mr. Pomeroy would even think about putting his tongue in her mouth, let alone tell her he wanted to do it again and again and . . .
Sara stopped her thoughts and continued to smile. “I am. In fact, I was wondering if I might ask a question of you.”
He straightened and returned her smile. “Of course, anything I can help you with.”
She pressed her lips together for a moment and took a deep breath. “What is the definition of greed?” The words rushed out of her before her mother’s voice had a chance to stop them.
Mr. Pomeroy blinked. “Well, I would say it is the desire to have more when one’s need has already been satisfied. It is about excess.”
Sara felt her shoulders droop. Her mother had been right. “So when one’s need has been satisfied, it is a sin to desire more.”
The vicar gave her a serious look. “Yes,” he answered slowly. “But it is not a hard and fast rule. Greed, I believe, is an excess that drives people to evil deeds. For instance, a man who wishes to increase his fortune at the expense or neglect of others is sinning, but a man who increases his fortune to help others or provide more effectively for those who depend upon him is not. The definition of greed as a sin depends upon the intentions of the man.”
“Oh.” That gave her something to think about. So many times she had wanted to eat simply because she was hungry, yet was denied by her mother. “Do intentions negate sin, then?” she asked.
“No, they do not,” the vicar replied. “Perhaps if I knew more about the context in which you asking, I may be able to answer more thoroughly.”
Sara hesitated for a moment before saying, “If a man were hungry, would it be greed to eat?”
Mr. Pomeroy smiled. “No, I do not believe so.”
“Even if he had already eaten to his satisfaction earlier?”
“Hunger can never be permanently satisfied, Miss Collins. It is a need we must constantly seek to fulfill.”
His statement had echoed Mr. Grant’s words from last night, yet another realization that shook Sara. She looked at the vicar and heard desperation begin to creep into her voice. “What if his hunger drove him to evil deeds, such as you described? What if he had to steal in order to eat? Would that not make eating a sin?”
He looked at her for a long moment. “I cannot condone breaking the law, of course, and we are commanded to not steal. Yes, stealing is a sin no matter the circumstance, but I would think the greater sin lies with those who had the means to feed the man and did not.”
She swallowed. “So it is not greedy nor a sin to eat when one is hungry?”
The vicar’s face softened into another smile. “Even Our Lord Jesus Christ fed the hungry, Miss Collins, and I do not believe He limited Himself to those who were starving, but included all who were experiencing hunger, even if they had eaten mere hours earlier.”
“But the pious life is one of sacrifice and denial.” She spoke her mother’s words in a soft voice.
“To an extent, I concur. But simultaneously, indulgence is not necessarily a sin. I do not believe God desires us to wholly deny ourselves. If He loves us, He would want us to experience happiness and pleasure. Sacrifice and denial are necessary, but we also must celebrate the life generously bestowed upon us. It is when that indulgence overtakes one’s life so that one is blinded to the necessary sacrifice and denial that I believe it becomes a sin.”
She fell silent again, turning her head to gaze out the misty window. We must celebrate the life generously bestowed upon us. Had her life been one of celebration? It was true she was more fortunate than others, but could she honestly say that she was happy? That she had enjoyed and celebrated her life thus far? The answer that came to mind betrayed her mother.