She had no desire to remain in this chamber, or wait his convenience, stewing all the while she waited for him to make an appearance. But neither would she give the impression that she was hiding by retreating to her former chamber.
But ’twas God’s truth all she really wanted was to be alone so she could sleep in peace. She was so weary and tense that she wanted to melt into her bed and remain there an entire day. And her head was beginning to throb.
She paced back and forth in front of the fire until she realized that he was going to make her wait. With an irritated sigh, she undressed and put her gown carefully away so that it wouldn’t be ruined. ’Twas a beautiful gown and perhaps one day she’d have a chance to wear it when it could be appreciated.
She was chilled in just her nightdress so she donned her cloak and curled into the chair by the fire. A bath would feel next to heaven, but ’twas late and she had no desire to be caught in the tub when her husband decided to make his appearance.
As warmth invaded her limbs, her eyelids grew heavier and heavier. By the time she heard Caelen’s footsteps outside the door, she was so drowsy that she couldn’t muster any outrage that he’d taken so long to retire.
The door quietly opened and shut much the same. She didn’t turn to greet him, opting to remain exactly where she was.
For several long moments, silence loomed in the chamber. Then finally his footsteps sounded again, closer this time, before he came to stand just behind her.
“I have battled my anger all day today and yet I find I’m as angry now as I was before.”
At that, Rionna turned in her chair, clutching her cloak tightly around her.
“And what sin have I committed, husband? Are you so displeased at the thought of becoming a father? Did I misunderstand your boasts that I would deliver within a year of our marriage?”
His brows drew together and he stared at her in obvious consternation. “Think you I’m upset that you are pregnant with my child?”
She stood, her cloak swirling around her legs. “You’ve done nothing to make me think otherwise! From the moment you discovered that I was pregnant, you’ve been coldly furious. I’ve done nothing to gain your ire and yet you’ve cut me to ribbons with your gaze at every turn.”
“Nothing? God’s teeth, woman, but you are a test of my endurance. You don’t tell me that you are with child. At what point were you going to confide in me? When I held the point of my sword to your swollen belly? Or maybe when ’twas time for you to push the babe into the world?”
Her mouth fell open as she understood his meaning. “You think I purposely kept secret my condition? You think I would put our babe at risk?”
“You were participating in activities no pregnant woman should ever be doing,” he said through clenched teeth. “You had to know I would have never allowed it.”
“So you think so little of me that you think I would resort to subterfuge so that I could continue to indulge in training, never mind that I was pregnant with the next laird of my clan.”
“Why did you not tell me then?” he demanded.
Tears of disappointment and frustration burned her eyelids. His opinion of her hurt. Did he truly believe she’d be so selfish and foolhardy as to put her child at risk?
“I did not know!” she said fiercely. “I did not know until I awakened and Sarah told me. I would have told you. It would have given me great joy to do so.”
Caelen looked shocked for a moment, as though he’d given such a possibility no thought. “Jesu,” he muttered. Then he ran a ragged hand through his hair and turned swiftly away. His hand fell to his side, curled into a tight fist. “When I think of what could have happened, what almost did happen. When you fell, I thought I had hurt you. I could have harmed our child. I could have harmed you.”
Realization was quick to dawn on Rionna. Her anger and hurt melted away and her heart throbbed a little harder. She crossed the distance between her and her husband and laid her hand on his arm.
“You were afraid,” she said softly.
He jerked around, his eyes blazing. “Afraid? I was bloody terrified! I carried you to our chamber sure that I would find some grievous wound. I looked for blood or a bruise, something to suggest that I had harmed you.”
She wrapped her arms around his waist and leaned her head against his chest. For the longest time he stood rigid in her arms, not returning her embrace. Then slowly, he circled her shoulders and crushed her to him.
He rested his cheek on the top of her head and held her so tightly that she could scarcely breathe. He trembled against her, and it awed her that this fierce warrior had been afraid. For her. That he shook with it. It shamed her that she’d thought even for a moment that he didn’t want their child, even if it was a logical conclusion at the time.
Now she wanted confirmation. She wanted to hear it from his own lips that he was joyous over her pregnancy.
“So you’re happy about the babe?”
Her question was muffled by his chest, but he went still and then slowly drew her away so that he looked down into her eyes.
“Happy? I think happy is too mundane a word. There are many words that accurately describe my reaction. Wonder. Aye, wonder. ’Tis not something I’ve contemplated until recently, and even then I spoke as a man boasting to be boasting. It didn’t really settle with me that I would become a father until Sarah bore the news to me in the hallway. The image hit me with force enough to stagger me. I had to quit the keep and go out alone lest I completely unman myself in front of others.”