However long that was, remained to be seen.
We pulled up to the ranch.
For whatever reason, I’d been expecting something…shabby. Which made no sense at all, since Duke was nowhere near shabby. He was well groomed and well dressed in good quality clothes. Not showy, just good quality.
He had impeccable manners. I knew how to spot that, since I hadn’t been raised well. Early, I was taught how to be a respectful person. Blurry lessons taught by an honorable man. One that I wondered if I imagined—just to keep myself sane—to comfort myself with the lie that someone in this world had loved me, had wanted to teach me how to be good, kind, and soft.
But lessons from future dirtbags erased anything valuable I’d learned. So I’d had to learn all those things, all of those good things when I was old enough to know how embarrassing it was not to know how to use a knife and fork correctly. How to speak properly. Basic manners.
So yes, you learned to spot things that came naturally to people when you were trying to mimic it.
And it was more than apparent that Duke was raised well. That he had money.
But still, I expected a crumbling shack in the middle of a yellowed farm, almost as an absurd punishment for how much he didn’t like me.
That was not what I got. The entrance to the driveway itself was a large gate, two horses reared up on each pillar.
The driveway was dirt, but free of potholes.
There was green everywhere. Fields that seemed to stretch on for days, peaks of mountains bordering the unobstructed view. Very few signs of humanity marred the land. Some fences. Not much else, from what I could see.
“This is your ranch?” I asked, a whisper.
“My family’s,” Duke said, voice hard.
My eyes were glued to the rolling landscape—something I’d definitely seen before as I’d traveled all over the world—but this was different somehow. Maybe because I knew that this was Duke’s.
“You grew up here?” I imagined a smaller, less jaded and less macho version of the man beside me growing up in the midst of this beauty.
I wondered what had happened to make Duke leave this place, swap the wide-open skies and mountain ranges for the smog-filled city full of assholes.
“Yeah, I did.” There was a slight change in Duke’s voice, something I might’ve tried to dissect had I not been creating a past for him.
Maybe it was a woman. A beautiful, fresh-faced Montana girl with long thick hair and warm eyes. Maybe she broke his heart and he’d never gotten over her. I instantly hated the girl I’d made up in my mind, coveted what she’d had that I’d never experienced.
The driveway was long and winding, showing off the beautiful ranch. I almost didn’t want the ride to end, but the assault it was giving my emotions needed to stop. It was distracting me from being so goddamn nervous at the prospect of facing Duke’s family as an unwelcome stranger.
The homestead was nothing less than extraordinary.
I actually let out a gasp seeing it, immediately covering up my mouth in embarrassment. I really hoped Duke didn’t hear that, as that would be more proof I was the vapid, dramatic movie star. I didn’t dare look at him. Plus, I was too busy taking in the house. It was built for a large family. Maybe added on to over generations. Everything about it called to parts of my soul that I didn’t know existed.
I was expecting a deep brown log cabin. Isn’t that what they specialized in here in Montana? But this wasn’t that.
It was a grand, Victorian-style house with a wrap-around porch. Pure white, stark against the landscape surrounding it. It had two floors, and had been taken care of with generations of love. Even from inside the cab of the truck, I could feel what this was.
A home.
Flowers everywhere. Colorful. Healthy. Well-tended, like the house itself. I had flowers around my house too, but I employed a small army of landscapers to tend to them. I had a feeling that the people who planted these in the soil were people who lived here.
There were outbuildings scattered around the vast property. Fields, mountains, animals, beauty, all stretching to the horizon.
I’d been all over the world. I’d seen many beautiful things. I was virtually numb to them now. Nothing wowed me. But right now, staring at this, it was safe to say I was wowed. For the smallest of moments, everything else melted away. The very reason I was here melted away, and I had a moment to just…marvel.
To covet this place, the life that must be lived here.
I wanted it more than anything. Right at this moment, I wished I’d done my whole life differently, that I’d chased other things, things that made me warm, easy and able to live a life in a place like this.