Interestingly, all it took was one powerful man to create a narrative for me that would follow me through the years. I could’ve tried to fight it, but instead I leaned into it. If men wanted a bitch, they’d get one.
But the man staring at me did not want things from me. Not sex, because he had a large wedding ring on his finger and not an ounce of desire in his eyes. Not to control me, because something in his eyes also told me he was not so insecure in his manhood he had to exert power over women. None of these men at this table were. Once you’d looked into the eyes of a man like that director, you learned to look for the glint.
They didn’t have the glint.
They were good people. Whatever that meant.
“Okay,” I repeated, the word yanked from inside me.
Keltan nodded, then turned to the man I’d been avoiding the entire time. “Duke, you good for this?”
I froze.
No. Say no. Everything in your body says no. Follow your hatred for me. Do not do the macho-man, alpha-male thing and say yes just because you want to act honorable.
Duke looked at me for the first time since I sat down.
Not flinching came from years of practice.
“I’m good for this,” he said.
Fuck.
3
“I packed for you.”
I raised my eyebrow. This was outside Andre’s job description. When I’d interviewed him almost a decade ago, he’d made it clear he would not run errands, would not deliver food to me, and definitely would not pack for me.
He hired competent assistants and stylists for that.
Obviously, we could not make use of the insane team I paid to do things I should be able to do for myself.
Andre was the only person who knew the truth. What he knew was what only a handful of federal and state officials knew. Greenstone Security would be the only people who knew my location. I’d have no contact with Andre after this.
Duke acted like it was a magnanimous favor, allowing me to return to my house to shower and pack.
I was glad to have Andre as a buffer between us, as I was terrified to be alone with the man that was supposed to be protecting me.
“I could’ve packed,” I said to Andre. Theoretically, I was perfectly able to do the things I employed people to do for me. In normal circumstances, I didn’t have the time to do them. Now, I had time. Not a lot, but enough. Enough to do things like shower and grab food, although my stomach was too unsettled to eat. I settled for a premade smoothie in the fridge.
The mere concept of packing had been a cause of panic for me. In fact, I’d all but collapsed to the floor of my marble shower just thinking about what underwear I’d need.
I knew enough about basic psychology to understand that I was freaking out about doing such a basic thing, because I was not allowing myself to freak out about the not-so basic thing of seeing the man I used to sleep with getting his brains blown all over his marble floor.
I knew that in my mind on the floor of the shower, but it didn’t do much to help me with the panty situation.
So I came out of the shower, smelling of expensive lotions, shampoo and panic. And found Andre, with a large Louis Vuitton suitcase, a matching cosmetics case above it.
No doubt he would’ve picked the perfect panties, not because he had experience with women’s panties, but because he was Andre.
“You could’ve packed,” he lied. “But I doubt you would know what to put in for a mystery trip to a safe house, weather unknown, where you’re going to hide from a powerful murderer until you testify against him.”
I regarded him with a half-smile. “And you know how to pack for such a trip?”
“Of course I do.” He tilted his chin up. “I have many powers.”
My smile left as many things hit me. Like the mystery trip with the hot macho man who despised me. Like the fact I didn’t know how long I’d be gone. Like the fact I didn’t know what my future held, and it was beyond my control. Like I didn’t know when I’d see Andre again.
He was the only person that knew the real me. And, surprisingly didn’t hate me. He was my person, my best friend…even though I paid him.
Because he knew me, he clocked the change in my mood. “Don’t break down on me now, sweetie. I might have to go back to my faith if the ice queen starts crying to signify the end of the damn world.”
My half-smile came back. “What are you going to do?” I asked suddenly, remembering that he was also aware of Kitsch. He might be in danger too. “Why aren’t you coming? You need witness protection too.”