“You’re so much sexier than you think you are.”
“I’m sorry.” She wrung her hands together behind her back.
“Never apologize for being sexy.”
Her lip curled as a warm blush crept up her neck. “About how I reacted earlier. I’m so embarrassed. I acted like a complete psychotic freak.”
“It was all on me.” He grabbed her hand and jerked her into his chest. “And trust me … you are not a psychotic freak. I can guarantee Jillian has that title.”
“Jillian? Really?”
Jackson nodded. The intensity in his expression radiated an unspoken pain. “It’s completely justified. She hasn’t always been this way. There are just some things in life that can only be erased by death. I don’t want her to die, so I’ve accepted the crazy.”
“I love the way you love her.”
He nodded with a thoughtful pull to his brow. Ryn imagined being loved by Jackson would be an extraordinary gift.
“Let’s do this, hot pants.”
She rolled her eyes. Would he ever let her live down the panties in the fridge incident?
They started small. Jackson reinforced some things she’d already learned about preventing confrontation. Then he showed her some basic moves to strike the most effective body parts: eyes, nose, ears, neck, groin, knee, and legs.
“You’re exerting too much energy with weak attempts,” he said.
She was already gasping for air and had yet to land a single strike.
“It’s hit or be hit. You may only have one chance so make it count. Got it?”
Ryn nodded. “But I don’t really want to hurt you.”
“If you can’t make me bleed, knock the wind out of me, or make me buckle over in pain, then you’re always going to be an easy target.”
She kicked at his knee with the pressure of shoving open the back door to bring in the groceries.
“No.”
Her heart pounded. The conserving energy thing wasn’t going so well.
She went for his other knee. He easily avoided her strike.
“You’re telling me with your eyes exactly what you’re going to do.”
She met his eyes then squinted. He pissed her off with his arrogance.
Smack!
“Oh shit! I’m so sorry.”
He blotted the slow drip of blood from his nose with a smirk on his face.
“Better. Much better.”
“But you’re bleeding.” Her face morphed into a tight wince.
“By choice.” He grabbed a towel and pressed it to his nose.
“You let me do that on purpose?”
Jackson chuckled. “It’s your first day. I’m not going to lie and give you false confidence, so yes, I let you make me bleed. We both needed to know that you could put some power behind your punch.”
“You played me.”
Another chuckle rumbled from his chest as he tossed the towel aside. “I’m getting mixed signals. Are you upset because you made me bleed or that I let you make me bleed?”
Her jaw unhinged then closed, but nothing came out. Why was she upset? Plopping down on the mat, she crisscrossed her legs and focused on catching her breath.
“You were mad at me when I showed up. Why?”
Looking to the ceiling, he drained a bottled water then licked a drip from his lip as his gaze locked with hers. “Jillian went to Portland for AJ. It’s kind of complicated, but it wasn’t the … safest decision. I told her not to go but she did anyway. It’s impossible to protect someone you love when they put themselves at risk halfway across the country.”
“What’s so dangerous about going to Portland?”
Jackson chewed the inside of his lip, focusing on her with a thoughtful stare. “Earthquakes … volcanoes …”
“Yeah, sure. I’m not buying that, but it still doesn’t explain why you were so mad at me.”
Jackson lifted his arms and pressed his palms to the side of his head while shaking it. A low grumble accompanied his frustration. The last time they were together the sex was good. Good? No. They’d had exceptional sex. She hadn’t inspected the condom, but it seemed as though he came. If not, his acting skills were quite good. Ryn didn’t care for that scenario. A guy faking it? For some reason that seemed so wrong. Sexist? Maybe.
“How do I explain this without sounding like a …”
“A?”
He scrubbed his hands over his face, mumbling beneath them. “A girl.”
That brought a curious smile to her face. “A girl?”
“Yes.” His hands dropped to his sides as he leveled her with his gaze. “Random sex. The ‘guy’ thing. I was good at it … really good at it.”
Those were not inspiring words.
“I never gave women a chance to be clingy or needy or even the opportunity to fall asleep next to me.”
Jackson Knight had been a man whore. Ryn sort of knew that, but she sure didn’t appreciate the reminders.
“I avoided biological clocks, second dates, family dinners, holding hands, and often names weren’t even exchanged.” He nodded. “I know … I was a real prick. But I’m not now, or at least I don’t want to be. So when you kicked me out the other night it pissed me off. I don’t get tossed to the curb like a rejected teddy bear, so when you did it, I realized how much of a clingy female I’d become. I found myself being the one who wanted to stay just to see your face in the morning. But you … well you were me or the old me—the hump ’em and dump ’em person. Anyway, I was mad about Jillian for leaving, rejecting my protection, and I decided to have some menstrual-cycle pity party like a fucking pussy and the anger you saw was really at myself. I was just deflecting it at you, and I shouldn’t have. I’m sorry.”