Kill swipes his thumb across my cheek, wiping away the tear. “You’re not responsible, Cilla. What that pervert did, it’s on him. And if you want that pound of flesh, I’ll get it for you.”
20
Kill
What Hugo learned is fucked up.
I assumed Judge Callahan had raped Cilla. I didn’t even consider any alternative. The way she was with her brother, so protective to the point she’d sacrifice herself, well, I just assumed he shared her secret. Kept it for her.
But I was wrong.
Hugo found the woman who’d gone public about the judge after her brother had committed suicide. They were foster kids he’d taken in before they’d taken Cilla and Jones in. She told Hugo her story, told him how she’d been shut down by the police and the media, being called a whore, a vengeful, ungrateful gold digger. She also told him how the judge wasn’t ever interested in her. It was her brother he wanted. And the way he’d get the boy to cooperate was by hurting the girl. Making her scream in pain when he brought the hammer down on her hand while the brother watched, powerless.
And in turn, he made her watch when he raped her brother.
Jesus. I’ve seen some sick shit in my life, but this is the sickest.
I shake my head as I switch off the shower, wrap a towel around my hips and walk out of the bathroom. Cilla’s sitting on the bed watching the bathroom door. Her wet hair hangs down her back and she’s wearing different clothes but is barefoot.
“Come in,” I say sarcastically.
“How will we do it?” she asks.
I study her. There’s a strange look in her eyes. Something almost unhinged about her. Something wild. It only confirms my thinking that I need to do this myself.
“I’ll take care of it.”
She rises to her feet, shakes her head. “I don’t want you to take care of it. I told you I want to do it.”
“I know what you told me.”
“Then why are you saying you’ll take care of it?”
“Because frankly, I don’t think you should be involved. You don’t understand—”
“I understand what he did. What he took from us. Look at Jones. Just look at him. He’s a goddamned mess.”
“And you killing Callahan will change that how?”
She stops. Exhales loudly.
“Think about it. What will having this on your conscience do to you? Even knowing he’s dead, it may not mean as much as you think or hope. I know people, Cilla. I know you. You’re not a killer.”
“You don’t know me.” She turns like she’s going to walk away but I catch her arm, spin her to face me, take hold of both arms.
“Cilla, think.” I give her a shake. “You need time to understand what this will mean for you. I know you’ll come to your senses when you do.”
“Come to my senses? What do you think? This will make you a good guy? Slay the dragon and be my fucking hero?”
I look down at her, but don’t speak. She’s not done yet, I see it in the way her fiercely beautiful, furious eyes shine.
“Callahan is my dragon. You have no right to take this away from me. I’m owed this.”
“Have you thought about what happens if something doesn’t go right? This is a judge we’re talking about. And besides that, something like this, it damages you, Cilla. Permanently.”
“I’m already damaged. Dark. You said so yourself.”
“This is different. Just trust me, I know what I’m talking about.”
She shoves me. “Go to hell.” She walks away.
My hands fist at my sides, but I don’t follow her.
“One thing before you go.” She stops at the door, her back to me. “There’s a party Saturday night at the club. I expect you to be there.”
“I don’t much feel like a party.”
“Our deal still stands, whether you feel like it or not.”
She turns. “When are you doing it?”
“I’m heading to Florida this afternoon.”
“This isn’t what I want. Not this way.”
“It’s better this way. You’ll see.”
“I won’t.” She pulls the door open and steps out into the hallway.
“And Cilla.”
She stops.
“I’m no hero, not yours. Not anyone’s. I’ve never aspired to be one.”
21
Cilla
Kill is gone for the next three days. The one good thing to come out of this is that he arranges for someone to drive me to see Jones whenever I want while he’s away. I’m also able to stay as long as I like. I guess this is his peace offering, but I don’t accept it.
Watching my brother like this is hard, and knowing what’s going to happen to Callahan doesn’t make it easier. I thought it would. It’s weird between Jones and me. It has been ever since the first time Callahan did what he did. The secret we keep, it’s something that when I think about it, it makes me sick. It’s disgusting. Wrong. What Kill said about it not being my fault, I know that, but thing is, it doesn’t matter. It happened. It can’t be undone.