“Open your eyes, Cilla.”
He calls me back and I can do nothing buy obey. I want to see him like this, his big body over mine, his thick cock inside me. I can pretend I’m safe here beneath him. And I want to watch him, watch his face when he comes.
“I smell you before we fuck, you know. In the library too. You want this.”
“I just want to come. Your dick will do for the next month.”
He shakes his head, squeezes my wrists, slips his hands over mine, fingers intertwining, and I find myself gripping him back. Holding tight.
“No. You’re not that simple, Cilla. Something happened to you. Something bad. It damaged you.”
My chest tightens, my throat closes up and my eyes burn. He sees me and I can’t hide from him, not now. Not when he’s so close. Not when he’s inside me.
“Just fuck me, Killian Black. Hard. Fuck me hard.”
“No,” he says, slowing down, moving his hips a little differently, making me feel every inch of him, like he’ll take his time and know every inch of me.
It’s too hard when he’s looking at me like this. When I’m so vulnerable.
I don’t want it to be this way.
I twist away, but he’s got me pinned three ways and I can’t get free. He smiles, like he knows what I’m trying to do. Like he knows what he said is true.
“You own my body. You have no stake over the rest of me.”
“But I’m greedy. I want all of it.” He draws my arms over head so they meet at the top of the bed, and lays his weight on me. He’s moving faster inside me, his cock thicker. He’s going to come soon. But I’m on the edge, closer than he is.
He wraps my hands around the cool steel frame of the bed and I grip tight as his fingers slide down over my arms, the sides of my body, my waist, my skin too sensitive to his touch. He never shifts his gaze as he grips my thighs, fingers digging into tender flesh as he pushes my legs up, forcing them to bend at the knee, opening me so his cock seems to penetrate to my core. Right to my heart.
I give over to sensation, unable not to, and he’s fucking me hard now, not fast, but deeply, intentionally, like he’s making good on his word. Like he’ll take what he wants. He’ll take all of it, all of me, inside and out, and I’m so fucking close, I can’t resist, can’t make the wave that’s coming stop. I can’t get a fucking grip.
A sound leaves my throat, my chest, it’s a sigh and a sob and a moan of utter pleasure, of painful release, and I come. I come. And it’s like I’m drowning. I’m out of air and all I can do is come.
“Cilla,” he groans, and I realize I’ve closed my eyes. He lays his full weight on me and it’s so wet between my legs and he’s throbbing inside me, squeezing my hands again, too hard, too hard so they hurt, and my fingernails cut into my palms.
I can’t breathe, he’s so heavy. His eyes are closed and his face, oh God his face. I can watch his face like this for hours, days, and not get enough. Never enough. Because with him, it’s like with no one else. Like nothing else.
And he is greedy. He will take it all. He’ll take everything from me. Inside and out, he will own me. Destroy me. Decimate me. And when he’s finished, there will be nothing left of me.
12
Kill
It’s after ten in the morning when I wake up. I’m alone in the bed, but I knew I would be. Cilla slipped away a few hours ago.
Last night was the first time I slept next to a woman in a long time. Ever maybe. No one spends the night. Not me, not them. I fuck and I leave. Period. What she said about not sleeping with anyone, she meant that exactly. I’ve had Hugo look into her past. I know how she fucks. I know she’s like a man in that regard. She goes to a bar called The Black Swan. I wouldn’t set foot in it, personally. It’s a shit hole. There, she picks up a guy, fucks him and walks away. She doesn’t take anyone home, rents a hotel room in advance. I’m not even sure she bothers exchanging names.
When I made that comment about her being damaged, about something having happened to her, she confirmed what I suspected without words. The truth was in her eyes. She looked like someone desperate to escape. To make a run for it.
So later, when I felt her stir, I let her slide out from under my arm and disappear back into her own room. She can act like she’s safe there. Like I don’t know her secret. Pretend she’s not as fucked up as I am.