You looked so peaceful I didn’t want to wake you.
I’m meeting with one of my lawyers, but I’ll be back later.
x
Stefan
I smile, touch the letters, hover over the small ‘x’.
Wrapping the sheets around myself, I walk out onto the balcony and to my room, tuck the note into my nightstand drawer and go into the bathroom to shower.
I think about yesterday. How it started, how it ended.
I’m still sad about Alex. I will feel his loss for a long time. And I should. I want to. He was my friend and I will remember him and when we find out who set that fire, I will avenge his death.
But Stefan, what he did, he didn’t even have to tell me about the memorial service. I wouldn’t have known. And he certainly didn’t have to take me.
This makes for a second heroic act. Do the two combined a hero make?
Instead of a shower, I opt for a bath and I soak for a long time thinking about all the things that have happened in the last few weeks. How much my life has changed. I think about what Stefan told me about being careful and I get the feeling I was wrong about him and Rafa. Maybe he doesn’t trust him like I guessed. Maybe the three of them, Rafa, Clara and Stefan aren’t the Three Musketeers.
I remember when Clara called Rafa and I heard his side of the conversation. He told her he missed her. Was that just cousins talking? She was swimming naked in Stefan’s pool the night they were all here. That’s not something cousins do, at least not any cousins I know.
But what I’m thinking makes no sense. If she’s having an affair with Rafa, she wouldn’t be swimming naked in Stefan’s pool with Stefan watching.
What had he said about that? She’d lost a bet? What kind of bet would any woman agree to that would have her stripping off her clothes in front of her male cousins to swim naked?
I shake my head to clear the thoughts of her, of the image of her perfect body, a body like I’ll never have. Where she’s built like a woman with heavy breasts and perfectly proportioned hips, I’m built more like a boy. Well, okay, not quite a boy. I’m a small B cup on a really good day, but I have a good butt. I just don’t have that hourglass figure she does.
When I’m finished with the bath, I get dressed and go downstairs to have a late breakfast. As soon as Stefan is finished with the attorney, I will talk to him about Gabe. Get a date so I can tell my brother when I’m coming to see him.
I guess we need to talk about the wedding too. Will he still want to go through with it? Does what’s happening between us change things?
Whoa. Slow down.
What is happening between us? We had sex. Almost.
No, it’s not that. He was nice to me. I think he really cared that I was sad. That’s why he took me out to Skull Rock. And he heard me at the restaurant. He repeated my words, didn’t he? About being broken and alone?
Together, we’re not alone. We may both still be broken, but we’re not alone.
Warning bells ring in my head.
I’m getting carried away. What did he say about me? That I’m sweet and innocent.
He’s a man. I never thought about what he’d do sexually. I never considered that what we’d have would be real. Not that I’ve had much time to ponder it.
The fact is we didn’t even have sex. He wants to wait until we’re married. He’s weirdly old-fashioned. But no matter what, the fact that he’s my first, and just the circumstances around our relationship, it makes sense that I would feel attached to him.
I just have to remember he’s experienced. He won’t feel the same attachment I’d naturally feel for him.
Collateral damage.
The words ring in my head.
Miss Millie appears with coffee and I shake off the thought.
I don’t want to think about this right now. There’s nothing to think about. This is all going to play out the way they want it to. By they, I mean my father and Stefan. I have no control over this.
No, that’s not true. I have control over one thing. My heart. I can guard it. I have to.
But am I too late already?
“How about some French Toast this morning, Gabriela?” Miss Millie asks and not a moment too soon as that was a dead-end road I was traveling.
“I would love French Toast. Is it okay if I come help? Maybe eat in the kitchen? I don’t want to sit here by myself.”
She seems confused for a moment but then nods. “Come on with me. I should have suggested it myself. With Stefan gone so much, I don’t want you to feel lonely.”