Which makes it incredibly difficult to know we’re leaving today and haven’t fucked.
What’s wrong with me?
Did he change his mind?
Am I too shattered in the head?
“Toss your bags in the truck whenever you’re ready to leave. I’ll make us something to eat before we load up to get on the road.” His command brokers no room for argument.
Fuck him.
Anger churns in my gut. It’s a much easier pill to swallow than rejection.
You rejected Lex, asshole.
Yeah, and look where that landed him.
By tonight, my life will be business as usual. Nights spent with my friends and parties full of chicks wanting to get laid by any member in the hottest band in America. I’ll go back to being under the microscope and popular as fuck.
That’s who I am.
Xavi Jacobs, lead singer of Berlin Scandal.
Fucking hot.
Badass.
Fun.
Not this…
Not some fucking twink shacking up with a cop who feels sorry for him. Jesus. When I lay it out that way, I can see how pathetic I am. No wonder he doesn’t want to fuck me. I wouldn’t want to fuck me. I’d want to send me back on my way. Back to them. My people. The ones who love me for who they think I am—fucked up and ruined.
Blaine is not Lex.
Blaine is just a guy who thought he could mess around with me and got in over his head.
The rejection rages through me, hot and furious. I try to ignore it as I throw shit into the cab of his truck. Once I’ve loaded my bags, I chain smoke, my hands shaking violently. I’m thrumming with a wild energy building into something catastrophic. I hate that I feel helpless against it.
Thunder rumbles in the distance, and I inhale the scent of coming rain. It’s so peaceful out here, and good for the soul. But now that I’m leaving, all my demons have run out to play with my emotions.
I need to go back in there and eat, but I can’t face him.
Not when I feel like I’ll fucking cry like a pussy.
It’s real to me.
I want to scream it at Blaine like I never could to Lex.
But what happens when he tells me it was fun, but I’m too much for him? That it was great while it lasted, but he’s ready to go back to his life—without me in it?
Rain starts pattering on my face. I turn my head up to take the abuse of the stinging pellets. The urge to burn, despite the forces of nature trying to put me out, is strong.
I yank my Zippo from my pocket, and for the first time since Blaine caught me with it, I flip it open with the intent to sear some control back into my senses. The moment the flame singes the hairs on my arm, something dark flashes forward, knocking the lighter from my hand. It hits the grass with a thud.
I’m left staring into violent eyes.
Oh shit.
I’ve never seen Blaine so…pissed.
“What the hell, Xa?” he growls, his voice not so different than the thunder behind him.
Clenching my jaw, I attempt to tear my stare from his. How do I explain the storm of emotions inside me? I don’t fucking want to.
“Let’s just go,” I snap back.
“You look at me when we’re talking, boy.” His icy cold command forces my gaze to his. “That’s better. Now, you’re going to tell me why in the hell you developed an attitude problem in the last ten minutes.”
“It doesn’t fucking matter!” I roar, shoving him away from me, needing space and air and freedom.
“It matters to me,” he snarls, rushing me again. His hands fist my shirt, and he shoves me against the side of his truck. “What happened?”
My throat aches.
It was real to me. That’s what fucking happened.
“Boy, with the way your teeth are clenching, I can tell you’re holding in a lot of shit you desperately need to say. Out with it.”
The rain comes down harder, soaking us quickly to the bone.
“I’m homesick,” I lie. “I just want to go home.”
His nostrils flare. His eyes blaze with intensity. “That’s how you want to play this?”
I lift my chin and glower at him. “Yep.”
He grinds his hips against mine. My body reacts naturally after weeks of being with him. I’m hard. He’s hard. We’re both fired up and ready. Ready for something he won’t give.
“I punish liars,” he says, his eyes dropping to my lips. He moves his hips against mine, sending zings of pleasure splintering through me. “You want to be punished, Xa?”
Yes.
“No.”
“I guess I have my answer.” He trails soft kisses along my wet face to my neck. Then he bites me.
“Fuck!” I roar, trying and failing to shove the feral beast off me.
I feel his smile on my throat. Sadistic asshole. Then his mouth is sucking me hard like he does my dick. I groan. It feels good—too good. With just his lips on my neck and his dick grinding on mine, I’m starting to forget what I was mad about. All I feel is him. On me. Scorching inside me. His touch is addictive and thrilling.