But there were changes every few seconds. New sounds. New sensations. At times, it felt like we had flown into a box, and our wings kept hitting the sides. We could feel the energy the plane was using. We felt every inch of movement, so we knew we weren’t going down.
But we didn’t know where we were going.
I’d already looked at the passengers behind me. I saw no leader. No one had stood; no one was making demands from their seat. Jared hadn’t answered my last two questions, but that didn’t stop me from voicing another one.
“This is an accident, right?”
He had been looking to his right but instantly turned toward me. “If I thought otherwise, I wouldn’t be in this seat right now.”
I believed him.
The plane began to rattle, the metal sounding like change in someone’s pocket but amplified.
“Then, why?”
He shook his head. “I don’t know.” He tightened his grip on my back. “Come here.” He pulled me against the side of him, his chin resting on top of my head. He was facing our window now, and I would bet he was looking through it.
“Will they tell us the truth?” I asked, referring to the pilot.
“Yes.” And then a few seconds later, “Their version of it anyway.”
I’d always been on the other side of anxiety, the calming one in a storm, the one who didn’t freak out during stressful situations. It had been that way my whole life.
Now, even my skin wanted to crawl off of me.
I couldn’t keep my breathing under control or my heart rate down. I couldn’t get my mind off of the unknown, off of crashing, off of …
I clung to Jared even tighter before I completely lost it. But just as I had my hands around his bicep, I felt another dip. It was the biggest one so far.
“Fuck,” I groaned, tucking my face behind his arm, feeling the coolness of the seat against my cheek. I closed my eyes, and I tried breathing in through my nose and out of my mouth.
I wasn’t more than a few rounds in when a new sound hammered in my ears.
Out of instinct, I ducked down as far as I could. What I hadn’t expected was Jared bending over me, his body covering most of my head and shoulders. With my arms tucked in there somewhere, my ears were uncovered. It was so loud, even louder than the first noise, that it didn’t matter.
But unlike the first time, this sound only lasted a few seconds, and when it ended, the entire plane shook.
“What was that?” I shouted from under Jared.
Something fell on my lip. I wasn’t sure if it was a tear or sweat. And I wasn’t sure if it was his or mine. But I swallowed it, waiting, wondering if that was going to be another question he didn’t answer.
And then out of nowhere, he twisted his body, opening the cave I had been in. As I straightened, my hands clung back around his arm, and I watched him look toward the rear of the plane.
When his eyes locked with mine again, I saw something. It was brief but powerful enough to scare the shit out of me.
And then it got worse because he opened his mouth and said, “That was the engine exploding.”
EIGHTEEN
HONEY
SUMMER 1984
HONEY BELIEVED Andrew had learned so much from the destruction of his marriage that, when it came to her, he knew how to do everything right. He never made plans he was unable to keep. He gave himself a thirty-minute window and was never late. He warned her ahead of time if he was on-call, so there were never any hurt feelings if he was paged and had to leave.
Honey didn’t believe in competing with his job and accepted that, many times, it would have to come first. Besides, she had plenty of girlfriends to keep her occupied on the nights Andrew couldn’t. Honey had already had a busy social calendar long before she met him. He didn’t make her life; instead, he learned how to fit into it.
And as the weeks passed, he seemed to be fitting into it more and more, and she was staying at his apartment almost every night. Andrew was renting a one-bedroom place. With his lease expiring, he’d been talking about buying a condo near the hospital. Honey’s lease was ending around the same time, and Andrew suggested they move in together. His divorce was already finalized, he was beyond his trial period at the hospital, and he was an attending physician now. So, when he looked at her for an answer, she weighed it all in her head. Their relationship was progressing fast. Still, she saw no reason to delay it, and she smiled at him and nodded her head.