“I’m terrified that I’ll let them down, Ry.”
“That’s part of being a dad, Camden, part of love. We all feel like that at one time or another. I felt like that with all my kids, and doubly so when Maya came along.”
Cam cocked his head, interested. “I thought you would’ve felt more confident by then, having had Xander and Annabel already.”
“I worried that I couldn’t love Maya the same way I loved the kids of my blood, that I’d let her down, that I’d fail her.”
“You adore Maya,” Cam pointed out.
“Of course, I do. I love her with every fiber of my being,” Ryder retorted. “She might not carry my DNA but she’s my kid, every gorgeous inch of her.”
Cam wondered whether he should ask and then shrugged. What the hell, Ryder would or wouldn’t answer. “How did you come to adopt Maya? How did she come into your and Elinah’s life?”
Ryder stared at him before looking away. A few seconds later, he spoke again.
“So what I’m trying to tell you is that every father has doubts, we are all scared. And anyone who isn’t doesn’t have the brains to realize how hard the job is,” Ryder said, obviously choosing not to answer his question. Fair enough. It was Ryder’s business after all.
Ryder stood up and placed his glass on the coffee table in front of him. Cam followed him to his feet and tried not to squirm when Ryder stared at him. “If you gave yourself the slightest chance, the smallest break, you’d realize that you’d be a great dad, Cam. Despite your past, you’re as honest as the day is long, and your streak of integrity is a mile wide. You are not the boy you used to be. You’ll be fine.”
Cam released some tension and wished he could embrace Ryder’s words, to trust himself as Ryder seemed to trust him. But he’d have to start doing that, if he was going to be the dad Clem needed him to be.
“You’d also make a really good husband.” Ryder grinned at him. “Bad boys always do.”
Ha-ha, funny.
Not.
Nine
Cam looked a little lost and very alone when he walked into his bedroom later that night. From the window where she stood, way on the other side of the room, Vivi watched him sit on the edge of his huge bed, his elbows on his knees, his fingers tunneled into his hair. His shoulders, usually so broad, were hunched and he stared at the hardwood floor beneath his feet as if it held all the secrets to the universe.
She’d suspected that he wouldn’t come to her tonight, wouldn’t make the first move for them to spend the night together. So, after putting Clem in her bed and showering, she’d slipped into Cam’s room to wait for him. He’d been perfectly charming during dinner tonight, but as she laughed with Ryder and heard stories of Cam’s past, she’d felt him retreat. His eyes had deepened, held more shadows, and he hadn’t engaged in the conversation. Vivi knew he was mentally walking away from her and she wondered why.
“Hi.”
Great opening line, Donner. Surely you can do better.
Vivi watched as Cam slowly turned around, his expression inscrutable. He tried to hide his feelings but his dark, beautiful eyes told her that he wanted her. It was in the way his gaze lingered on her legs, on her chest and her mouth before his eyes slammed into hers.
“You want me,” Vivi stated, her voice stronger.
“You’re a beautiful woman. I’d have to be dead not to,” Cam replied, lifting his feet onto the bed and placing his hands behind his head. The big muscles in his arms bulged and she had to grip the drape to keep her feet in place. Because if she didn’t anchor herself to something she’d be stretched out over him and reaching for that bulging zipper.
Concentrate, Vivi. “But you don’t want to want me. You don’t want the possibility of us.”
For an instant Vivi thought he might deny her statement, but at the last minute he snapped his mouth closed and schooled his features, deliberately placing his hand over his erection. “It’s late, Viv. Are we going to do it, or can I go to sleep?”
Vivi blew out her breath as she struggled to hold on to her temper. He was being a jerk and she wasn’t going to let him get away with it. She told him as much.