We fell out of touch after my parents divorced and I moved away with my mom. We moved back when I was in high school, after I convinced my mom that a teenager should have both her parents around. Not in the same house, of course, but at least I lived close to Dad. He was the one who got me Antonio’s number. It was a while before I had the courage to send him a message. After I finally did, we started chatting a few times a week. I wanted to talk to him in person but he seemed busy and my fears kept getting the better of me.
If I hadn’t been more afraid of the unexpected guests at that party, I probably wouldn’t have contacted him. Even then, I was a bundle of nerves, half of me excited by the possibility of him showing up and the other half afraid that if he did, I would mess up. Then he showed up and little by little, my nerves settled down. Before I knew it, I was enjoying myself. Everything was perfect.
Up until that fight in the pool and the revelation that followed.
How could Leo trick me into thinking he was Antonio? Yes, I know they’re identical twins and so it’s something he could pull off, but why? Who in his right mind does that?
I wanted to slap Leo that night. I wanted to push him back into the pool. I wanted to throw paper cups at him. I was just so angry at him for deceiving me. There I was summoning all my courage, pouring my heart out, trying my best to please him and the whole time he was just putting on an act. He played me. He made an utter fool out of me and he was probably secretly laughing at how easy it was, too. He led me on. He raised my hopes. He even kissed me. He made me trust him, believe in him, fall for him. That was what hurt me the most – the fact that he made me believe in him only to let me know later that everything was a lie.
And he’s done it again. As if that first time wasn’t cruel enough, he made me believe he was Antonio again, right when I felt so alone and so desperate for someone to believe in. And this time, he didn’t just kiss me. We had sex.
My mind may not remember it, but my body does. My pulse quickens. My breasts throb. My cheeks burn, so much so that I want to submerge my face in the water. I just slap my cheeks, and shake my head.
Just forget about it, Jodie. It was partly your fault anyway. You were drunk and delusional. And yes, he took advantage of that, but you never should have given him a chance.
I draw a deep breath. Right. What’s done is done. I have to move on.
I rinse myself and get out of the tub. After putting some clothes on, I grab my laptop and sit on the bed so I can refresh my mind about my upcoming case.
I’ve stopped working since I heard about my father’s death. I couldn’t worry about defending someone else when I felt like I was the one on a stand being attacked and ripped open. I still don’t know if I’m ready to go back to work, but I have one pending case for an important client that’s going to trial in two days so I have no choice. I have to go back out there, to get my head back in the game. I have to be ready.
I read the document detailing the charge against my client – medical malpractice. It’s a charge I’ve successfully had dismissed several times before. It’s my specialty, actually. Even before I went to law school, I knew that I wanted to protect and defend doctors so that they could keep saving lives – an idea inspired by Antonio.
He wanted to be a doctor. Sadly, he died before fulfilling that dream. I find it even sadder, that many doctors are stripped of their dreams, of their licenses every year sometimes just for being human. That’s why I decided to walk on this path.
I glance at the pink marble on the bedside table, one made of lithium quartz. The night of my disastrous date with Leo, when Antonio was driving me home, he placed it in my palm, saying that it could help relieve my anxiety. I didn’t believe him, but I held on to it just the same, rolling it between my fingers. By the time I got home, I felt calmer. I tried to give it back, but Antonio said I could have it. I’ve been carrying it with me ever since.
I take the marble and wrap it in my fingers before pressing it against my chest.