That’s what April is to me. My hell. I knew all along it would end just like that day I stole the motorcycle. It was going to ruin me when she realized who I was and that she’d be better off without me.
I bring my car to a stop in her driveway and let out a long breath. I accepted her offer to dinner. I wasn’t going to pass up any chance of seeing her, even if it makes it harder to go without her tomorrow.
I exit my car and walk up to her door. Knocking twice, I wait for her to answer. I’m nervous. For once in my life I’m ashamed of who I am. But I know I can be better. For her. For us. I just need the chance to prove that to her.
The door opens, and she stands before me, her purple hair down and straight. Her makeup done how I like it with black lining her eyes and dark lips. She wears a pair of denim shorts and a black T-shirt that reads Always and forever across the chest.
It feels like it’s been years since I’ve seen her. It hasn’t even been a full two weeks.
“Hey.” She gives me a soft smile, and my knees almost buckle at the sound of her voice. She’s the best drug I’ve ever tasted. The best high I’ve ever reached.
“Ready?” I ask, unable to get out a full sentence.
“Yeah.” She steps forward, and I match it, taking one back to allow her space. She turns and locks her front door. The simple movement has the smell of her vanilla shampoo filling my nose.
I have to close my eyes and think of anything but her to try not to get hard.
Walking her over to my passenger side, I open the door for her, and she falls inside.
I go to the driver side door and remind myself. This is like that motorcycle I crashed. When I go down, it’s going to fucking hurt like hell and leave scars as reminders, but I’d do it again in a heartbeat.
APRIL
He’s acting different, and I hate it. I wish we could go back to that first day when I didn’t know who he was, and he didn’t care who I was. This is why I don’t date. Why I don’t allow anyone to help me or get close.
My mother always told me—you will get your heart broken, baby. It is inevitable. Part of life. It’s how you handle it that either makes you a woman or a child. I didn’t want to be the bigger person. I didn’t want to put myself out there again to him. But he did something that no one has ever done before—listened to me. And it felt good. So here we are.
I look out his passenger side window, avoiding eye contact with him. It hurts. There’s so much that I want to say but can’t get the words out. Emilee hung that picture I drew up in the shop, and I find myself just staring at it. Wondering if I was that April, would I be stronger? Would he love me covered in ink like him? He’d see me differently.
“I have to run by my house,” he speaks, and I jump in surprise.
“Oh, okay.”
“I need to grab something,” he goes on.
I nod, looking over at him. He has his left hand on the steering wheel of his Zenvo STI. The car starts at a little over one million. I Googled it after I first saw it. I had never even heard of this kind of car before. His black leather with gold stitching interior tells me he had it custom made just for him to match Kingdom. His right hand on the shifter. He wears a white long-sleeve shirt with holey jeans and black Chuck Taylor high tops. His face is freshly shaven. His long hair is slicked back away from his face. At first glance, he looks relaxed, but I see the tic in his jaw. His tight shoulders and the lack of his carefree laughter further proves my suspicion.
I hate that he’s hurting. And I hate that I care.
All I keep thinking is when was he high last? Or has he been with Lucy since I walked away from him? Of course he has. What man would pass on a sure thing?
I turn, looking back out the window, and let out a long breath. This was a mistake. Because it’s going to hurt even worse when the night ends and I have to walk away from him all over again.
_______________
We pull through the gate at the Kings compound. It’s black iron with a gold K in the middle of it. The place is just as extravagant as their hotel and casino. Four houses sit in a cul-de-sac like structure. But they’re not close enough that you could throw a rock at each one. A huge clubhouse sits in the center with a state-of-the-art outside kitchen, bar, fireplace with outdoor furniture and hot tub. I have a feeling that no one ever uses it.