“And for the first time only—” Jonah considers for a moment. “I want to tell you what to say. ”
“Do you mean, like, a script?”
“No. I mean, I’ll tell you to shut up, and you’ll do it. You’ll only speak when I let you, and only say what I tell you to say. We can get more—improvisational, as we go on. But this time, I want that much control. Will you give it to me?”
Again I feel that quiver in my belly, fear and wanting intertwined. “Yes, I will. ” I’ve given him so much power over me already. A few words won’t make any difference.
Jonah nods, satisfied. We have our ground rules.
The waiter circles by again hopefully, but our wineglasses are still half full. I’ve held true to my plan not to drink too much tonight. Not only will I be driving home, but I also think it’s important to keep my head.
Then again, I’m here making plans for a guy I hardly know to pretend to rape me. It could be argued I lost my head a while ago.
“We’ll want a safe word,” Jonah says.
I’ve heard of a safe word, of course, but I always thought it was strictly an S&M thing. It makes sense for us, though. We’re already talking about scenarios in which I might be physically fighting him off. Jonah needs to know what it would sound like if I said no for real. “Silver. ”
“Silver?”
“That’s the safe word. Silver. ” I chose it off the top of my head, but now I like it. “What do we do if I want you to stop, but I can’t talk?”
Either because he has me gagged, or because his cock is in my mouth . . .
“Then snap your fingers. You should always be able to do that. ” Jonah smiles slowly. He knows he has me where he wants me. “Even in handcuffs. ”
I can’t speak. My breaths are short and fast between parted lips. Part of me is terrified by the thought of this man putting me in handcuffs. The other part of me wishes he’d do it this second. Cuff me, drag me out of here and do God knows what for hours—
“Don’t worry. Like you said, I won’t use handcuffs the first time,” he murmurs. “Or ropes, or any other kind of restraints. I realize that’s something I’ll have to earn. ”
My voice is husky as I say, “I’d like it if we got there. Someday. ”
“Me too. As soon as you’re ready, but not before. ” Jonah extends his arm along the back of the couch. He doesn’t put his arm around me. Instead he brushes the curve of my shoulder with his fingertips. The touch sets me on fire. “Anything else you don’t want when we get together the first time? Be specific. Because there are a lot of things I want to do to you. If I should avoid any of them, tell me now, so I don’t get my hopes up. ”
Once again I glance around; this is something else I don’t want overheard. “This time—um—no anal sex. ”
I blush from even having said that out loud.
Jonah’s fingers stroke the curve of my shoulder again. “That’s a shame. ”
“Just not the first time or two. Okay? If this turns out to be too scary for me, too much, then I don’t want that to be a part of it. ”
He nods, comprehending. “You haven’t done that before, have you?”
“No,” I whisper.
“But you’d give it to me eventually? That gives me something to work for. Something else to earn. ”
In all honesty, I find the idea of anal sex intimidating. It’s not something I’ve ever wanted to do for my own sake. None of the guys I’ve dated had much interest in trying it, which was fine with me.
Still, in my fantasies, it’s often there. A rapist wouldn’t care what I wanted or didn’t want. He’d make me take it.
Just like Jonah eventually will.
“Anything else?” Jonah says. When I shake my head no, he straightens, once again businesslike. “Friday night, then. Unless you have plans—you don’t? Good. Here’s what I want you to do. Go to a hotel; I’ll let you know which one. I will have paid for a room in your name. Check in. Get comfortable. Then, around eight P. M. , go down to the hotel bar. Have a couple of drinks. A couple too many. ” His eyes burn with intensity. He’s thought out every word of this. “I’ll be there. I’ll try to pick you up. But you’re not interested. When you walk out of the bar, I’ll follow you. At the door of your hotel room, you try to ditch me. I won’t let you. ”
It’s as though Jonah has looked down into the core of me and seen exactly what I want. “What then?”