“A drinking problem is not the same as an affair—”
“Never had one of those, so…”
I closed my eyes at the burn. “I really didn’t know…”
He rubbed the back of his neck, sighing in annoyance. “Is there anything else you need to tell me?”
The question was odd, so I opened my eyes and looked at him.
“Anything else you want to get off your chest?” His voice was different than it had ever been. It was so callous, so harsh.
I didn’t know what to say.
“Like the fact that you slept with him right before we got together?” Now he was louder, almost yelling at me.
I closed my eyes in shame, forgetting about the whole thing. “I didn’t sleep with him—”
“He seems to think you did.”
“He’s lying!”
“So, that just never happened?”
“No, it did happen.”
He crossed his arms over his chest, furious.
“We fooled around a bit, but then I left again.”
He took a deep breath, his eyes black like coals.
“But I had told I wanted to be with you, and you broke my heart.”
“So, you fuck the first guy who pops into your head?”
“I didn’t sleep with him, okay? After I left your condo, I went into the elevator, sobbing my eyes out because you’d crushed me, and it stopped at his floor. I was so devastated, devastated like I was when my husband left me, that I did something stupid…because I was heartbroken. But it’s unfair for you to be mad now because you turned me down. That never would have happened if you hadn’t treated me like that.”
He shook his head. “I thought the fact that you risked your job to be with me was a testament to how you felt. But you did it for someone else right after you opened your heart to me. How do you think that makes me feel?”
“He was a mistake. You are…” I could barely talk through my tears. “The one.”
He had no emotion all. Those words meant nothing to him. “When Valerie told me all this, I didn’t want to believe it. I hoped that if I talked to you, you would explain to me that it’s somehow completely gossip…but it is true.”
“I didn’t sleep with a married man. I didn’t know, okay? So, my only crime is sleeping with a client. And as far as I’m concerned, that has nothing to do with you and me.” I had to fight, had to fight for the best thing that had ever happened to me. “I’ve never asked you about your past because it doesn’t matter. We’re supposed to be together. Who gives a shit about Jake? And you knew I had feelings for you forever, and I still waited, I was still patient…because you were worth it.”
“But you lied to me.”
I bowed my head.
“You lied to my face, Cleo. I don’t want to be with someone who lies.”
I closed my eyes. “Don’t look at the situation in black and white. Don’t look at it literally. I’m a good person who doesn’t deserve to have a ruined reputation because of one mistake I made. I wanted to be with you, not be judged based on something really stupid that I did. It’s not fair. And I knew you would have—”
“Not if you’d told me yourself.” He shook his head slightly, his jaw tight. “But you didn’t tell me. I had to hear it from Valerie, of all fucking people. But if you’d told me, I could have told her I already knew. But I had to stand there like a fucking dumbass, like a deer in the headlights. You humiliated me.”
“I’m sorry…”
He bowed his head, sighing loudly.
“I’m sorry, okay?” I said through my tears. “I am…so sorry. I didn’t mean to hurt you. It was just a complicated situation, and I didn’t know how to handle it.”
“After all that shit with Dr. Hawthorne, it seems even dumber now.” He raised his head and looked at me. “Being worried about someone replacing you when you were keeping this from me.”
“Not the same at all—”
“How would you feel if I’d slept with her in the past, in graduate school, and never told you? Now, we work together.”
“I…”
“Would you have been pissed off?”
“But I would get over it. I trust you.”
“Why would you, when I lied about it in the first place?”
I closed my eyes again. “Deacon, I’m sorry. I love you so much, from the bottom of my heart. Nothing like this will ever happen again. I would never lie to you. I have nothing to hide from you.”
He shook his head. “Valerie was going to rat you out, and the only way I could stop her was by telling her I was in love with you. So, she knows now. And that’s just fucking wonderful.”
That hurt even more, that he’d still covered for me after what I’d done. “Thank you.”