It wasn’t in their nature. Like Lincoln’s. It definitely wasn’t in Connor’s and yet he hadn’t complained. Oh, she could tell he hadn’t loved her tofu scramble this morning, but he’d actually complimented her black bean tacos and had a second and third helping. He was trying to fit into her life.
Maybe she should bend a little. “I’m not going to lie to you. I think about Connor a lot. But I don’t know if things can work out long term with someone like him.”
“Not everything has to be long term. Lara, I love you like a sister, but you have to let go of the idea that your life is going to be a model of perfection. You’ve always been so afraid to make mistakes. The one thing you took a chance on has become the passion of your life.”
Capitol Scandals. Her baby. Sure, her baby was built on stories about the president’s penis, but it had done more good than all her protesting days. She’d actually helped victims of scams and political cover-ups—real people. And when she’d started she’d been so scared she’d shut the site down three times before she calmed enough to let it work.
Was she doing the same thing with Connor? Did she think a thing was only worth doing if it was guaranteed to turn out right?
“I want him.”
Kiki nodded. “You should. He’s the single hottest man I’ve ever met.”
There was more to it than that. He was electric in some odd way she’d never experienced before. Even when he was sitting perfectly still, she could practically feel the energy pouring off him. Every time she touched him she felt a connection. “It’s not just about his looks.”
“No, it’s not. There’s something about that man. When I look at him I just know he could take care of me in bed. I think if he wanted to he could pretty much take care of everything. He’s a perfect specimen of alpha male.”
Lara hated the flare of jealousy that sparked through her system.
Kiki pointed. “You don’t like how I talked about him. That’s the second time. You’re possessive. I’ve never seen you like this.”
“Because it’s not something I want to be.” Jealously was a useless, destructive emotion.
“What’s wrong with a little possessiveness?” Kiki asked. “I can assure you if you get into Connor’s bed, he’s not going to share you. He’s going to be a caveman and he’ll club any man who tries to take what’s his.”
His. Her whole body seemed to flare hot at the thought. She was a modern woman. She wasn’t supposed to belong to anyone but herself. And yet the idea of being Spencer Connor’s woman lit her up like nothing she’d ever felt. He was everything she shouldn’t want, but she was starting to wonder if Kiki was right and she wasn’t overthinking things. She couldn’t run her love life like she ran her website.
“I didn’t expect I’d ever want someone like him,” Lara admitted. “I expected to find someone who made me feel peaceful and secure. I don’t feel that way around him.”
“You’re looking for something that doesn’t exist. Or maybe it does, but it shouldn’t. You want to love a man, but not too much. Not so much that you’re plagued with real, nasty human emotions. Love can make you do some really bad things. It isn’t always positive. You don’t know that because you’ve never really loved someone with your whole heart, so much that you’d be willing to do anything for him. You don’t want to find out that you’re just like the rest of us.”
Lara stared at her best friend, unsure of who she really was in that moment. “I never meant to make you feel bad. I don’t think I’m better than anyone else.”
Kiki sighed. “Don’t mind me. I’m being a jealous bitch.” She reached out and took Lara’s hand. “I’m going through some things I’m not ready to talk about and I’m taking it out on you. I’m sorry. It’s not fair and I’m doing it because I know you’ll still care about me.”
“I will.”
Kiki squeezed her hand. “Sometimes I get jealous because you seem to have everything together and I’m still a mess. It’s my issue and I’ll get over it. In the meantime, think about what I said. Passion can be messy. You’ve spent most of your life spreading all that love and compassion you have around. That’s easy. Those people you help aren’t really a part of your life. You get to walk in and be the hero and walk back out. This is harder. Friendships aren’t necessarily neat. Relationships don’t always end the way you want them to, but that doesn’t mean you can’t learn from them. Take the leap. Live a little.”
Lara thought she was living, but now she had to reassess. With the singular exception of her website, she’d done what was expected of her and tried very hard to not fail. At anything. That was why she’d said yes to Tom. She hadn’t really wanted to be his wife, but saying no would mean the relationship had failed. It would have meant she’d failed.
Calling a halt to her wedding had been a massive leap of faith but it had paid off for both her and Tom. Was she ready to leap again?
Any sort of future with Connor was impossible. Or maybe it wasn’t. How the hell would she know if she didn’t even try?
“You think too much.” Kiki forced her to look into her eyes. “Look at me. Do you want him?”
“Yes.”
“Will you regret it if you don’t try?”
She knew the answer to that one. “Absolutely.”
“Then you know what to do.”
Oh, she was so wrong. “No. No, I don’t. What do I do? Do you think I should write him a note?”
“Oh, dear god. Don’t. Don’t write him a note.”
“I don’t think he’ll be impressed with a song.”
“You give men way too much credit, sweetie. Just tell him yes. That’s really all he needs. He’ll take it from there. It wouldn’t hurt if you cooked him something he wants to eat. You can get some grass-fed organic beef where the ranchers massage the cows and send them on spa days and stuff.”
“I don’t think that exists, but I did promise him burgers tonight. He would be surprised if it wasn’t a big mushroom.”
“And pleased.”
Compromise. It made the world a better place sometimes. “All right. But I’m getting premade patties so I don’t have to touch it.”
He’d told her to kiss him. He’d offered to let her explore. Was the offer even still open?
“That was the White House.” Her father stepped back to the bench they’d chosen. He kept staring at his phone like he was stunned. “The president is interested in one of the projects my committee is working on and he wants to talk to me.”
“That’s great.”
“He’s invited you to come with me.”
That was surprising. “I don’t think I should go to the White House. Don’t they have a ban on people like me? Like a no-fly list. I’ve protested Zack Hayes enough that I should be on that list.”
A man darted past their bench, his long legs sprinting. The movement had both security guards on edge. They stepped in, wedging themselves between the runner and Lara and her dad. Kiki stepped up, getting in front of Lara.
“What are you doing?”
“I don’t know,” Kiki admitted. “It seemed like the right thing to do.”
The man was running the other way. It looked like he was just taking a shortcut. People ran through the park all the time.
The security guards were a little oversensitive.
Connor returned, his gaze on both guards. He shoved Lincoln her way but spoke to the suits. “You two idiots, stay here. Did you not notice the asshole stalking her?”
Connor took off in the same direction as the other guy, loping away with the easy movements o
f a predator.
She tried to glance around the security guard. Had she just caught a glimpse of the man who’d sought to kill her at the bus stop? Lara tried to recall everything she’d noticed about that guy. It had all happened so quickly that she remembered the motorcycle and the gun and not much beyond that. Everything else had been nondescript . . . kind of like the guy she’d seen today. Maybe it had been him. And maybe it hadn’t. She wished she’d been paying more attention before he’d jogged off.
Then she heard something rustle in the bushes behind her and turned, her heart racing. Was someone hiding there? Did her killer have a partner who’d distracted her security detail while he waited? Would this guy succeed in shooting her this time?
“Something or someone is in there,” she whispered, pointing.
“I’ll check.” The guard nodded to his partner and disappeared